Final Sabbatical Event a Celebration

Argentina has been making a big splash in the news recently, but it was not Governor Sanford's mistress or the parliamentary elections which captured our focus at Christ Congregational Church this past weekend. No, we gathered as a congregation to celebrate the marvelous gift of renewal pastor & congregation experienced this past year with an Argentinean dinner, surrounded by the sights and sounds of Argentina in our Fellowship Hall. With some photo posters decorating the walls bringing Buenos Aires, Bariloche, and Machu Picchu to life, about 40 members and friends of the church gathered to enjoy las comidas de Argentina, prepared by Tango's Restaurant & Bakery. Typical fare such as Ensalada Rusa (potato salad w/peas & carrots), Chorizos, Entrana ala Verdeo (grilled churrasco steak with a Chardonnay scallion sauce), Gnocchi Alfredo and a variety of mini desserts, was enjoyed by all with the Tango music of Carlos Gardel serenading in the background.

After dinner I shared some final reflections on the Sabbatical experience for myself as Pastor, with a montage of photos from Argentina and Peru projected in the background. Those reflections were drawn primarily from this blog, so I will just summarize them in this post. I began by reminiscing on the dreamlike quality of the adventure of twelve weeks in South America, seventeen weeks of not working, learning Spanish as an alien in distant lands. The primary blessing I would identify of the Sabbatical was the time for reflection on my life, on the world, on my work life and on my call to ministry. That has especially become clear to me eight months removed from the experience. It is so difficult to claim time in my regular schedule for simply sitting and reflecting on life and the world. For a pastor that is especially sad. Historically, reflection time has been a major element of the pastoral role and a significant part of why we are given the privilege of financial support by a community for this ministry. Without ample reflection time it becomes increasingly difficult to adequately feed the people of the community through sermons and writings.

In addition to ample time for reflection, I summarized my learning on the sabbatical in five areas:

1. The basics of the Spanish language. Difficult as it has been to maintain the level of fluency I developed in Argentina, I did learn the basic structure of the language, the basic verb tenses and conjugations, and a basic vocabulary on which I can build. I know I will continue to grow in my ability to use Spanish and I see evidence of it, albeit baby steps, every day.

2. How much I love to travel and how much it nurtures my soul. I have already reflected on this in another part of the blog, but it is clear to me that I need to continue to seek ways and means to incorporate significant travel experiences into my life. It is one of the most renewing experiences possible for me.

3. A renewed sense of what is truly important for me. First: my family. Second: Paying attention to and nurturing quality relationships with people. That includes my family, but also those to whom I minister as pastor. Third: Nurturing time for reflection about life. Fourth: Importance of developing outside interests beyond my work as pastor.

4. The importance of maintaining a flexible and creative approach to life, relationships, and spirituality. When we are rigid in our desire to seek control of life, we are less able to go with the flow. As a result, life becomes more of a burden and less enjoyable. When we can adapt with some flexibility to whatever situations arise in our lives, then we can find the good, even in the bad, and we can continue to see the beauty and blessings in life all around us.

5. The importance of trusting myself and others to accomplish what needs to be done. We completed the Sabbatical Grant Application within three months time. I planned my time away within a year. I went away and the congregation did not fall apart. In fact, it thrived. I return from the Sabbatical with a new freedom to be Pastor in this place in a new way. I am taking clear steps to take on less responsibility, to trust others to assume more responsibility, to support, encourage, and assist them in that process. The result will be, I am sure, a stronger church community more completely living out its call to be the body of Christ, the people of God in this place. It will also lead to a healthier, more renewed, and better pastor, who will find the time for reflection and be better able to inspire and guide the people of God.

On Saturday, with the assistance of the Rev. Dr. John Manrodt from the Counseling Ministry of South Florida, about 22 people returned to spend time reflecting on what the sabbatical experience was like for them as a congregation. After some creative exercises to help stimulate that thinking and sharing, we spent some time looking toward the future and what it means for us as a church and pastor that we have had this experience. Some positive plans began to grow out of those discussions and everyone seemed to leave with excitement and a forward thinking approach to the future of Christ Congregational Church.

While this weekend will probably be the final planned event related to the Sabbatical, the experience of planning for, living the adventure, and re-engaging life and ministry afterwards, will continue to have an impact and influence for years to come. It was a marvelous gift. For me from the people of Christ Congregational Church in terms of their support and their allowing me the time to pursue. For all of us from the people of the Lily Foundation who made it possible financially with their generous Clergy Renewal Grant.

The adventure continues, though not in South America, but right here in Miami and I look forward to continuing to reflect upon Sabbath and sabbatical concerns, especially the dance between Sabbath time and regular time, the Sabbath Tango.

A Celebration 18 Years in the Making!

My son is graduating from High School tomorrow! Eighteen years ago when I held him in my arms at his birth this moment seemed an eternity away. Over the years there were even some periods in our struggles with him around his studies and his attentiveness to school where we wondered if he would actually make it to this moment. But despite all our worries and fears he has arrived and arrived in very good shape. He has matured, taking giant steps forward this past year, into a fascinating, creative, deep-thinking young man. He is finding his talents and calling in life (not that it is necessarily settled yet, but he does have a direction to his journey that he is walking with some intentionality) which he is embracing, even as he continues to remain open to exploring more areas of possible interest and creative expression. He is enrolled in the college of his choice, which also luckily chose him, and with a final summer of freedom before him, is actually quite ready, even anxious, to be finished with high school and ready to move on to the adventure that awaits him in college.

And so I am sitting in a hotel room in Melbourne, Florida, at midnight, having enjoyed an evening of celebration with my son, his mother and step-mother, his sister, one uncle, and sister's boyfriend and wondering how did I get here and where did the years go so quickly?!?! I don't really "feel" old, yet my daughter has been out of college for one year and is headed off to law school in August and my son is graduating high school and flying off to college out west this year as well. Eighteen years have literally flown by, when viewed from this end of the chronological spectrum. This is one powerful reason why sabbath time, time-off, and time to relish and reflect on life is so important to me. Because it all passes so quickly. Especially when one is caught up in the myriad duties of working, pastoring a church, living life. Yet, in spite of a recent sabbatical to help regain my focus on time-off and reflective time, I still struggle to incorporate into my schedule time to write, time to reflect, time to just be.

At the same time, as I do reflect on my life, it is very good. I am engaged in very meaningful ministry at both the church I pastor and through part-time, on-call chaplain work for VITAS Hospice. I live in a beautiful place, South Florida, with near ideal weather 90% of the year. I play golf once a week, walk several times a week, encounter a wide variety of wildlife (amazing since I live in an urban area). I am surrounded by very loving, accepting family and wonderfully supportive, even if at times a bit challenging, church members. My life is rich and for the most part enjoyable and meaningful. Perhaps I need to take a step-back from, a sabbath break from, my expectations about sabbath time and reflection time, and relish the time I have to enjoy the life with which I have been blessed? Perhaps my reflection time is quality enough if I find the moments to think about life and appreciate life, even if I don't write those reflections down anywhere? Perhaps my occasional posts on this blog, my sporadic entries in my journal, are satisfactory reflection times for the time being and when I need to engage in more frequent writings, I will find the time, I will make the time, God will bless me with the opportunity, through another sabbatical, another vacation, another period of intentionality?

But for right now, I am relishing and wallowing in the celebration of my son, my youngest child, graduating from High School! Way to go, Paul!!

Holy Week Sabbatical

Holy Week has always been a time of Sabbatical for me. Especially the days from Thursday through Easter. I know it sounds crazy for a pastor to make such a statement. After all, aren't these days the busiest days of the church year?!? And yet, I have always tried to slow them down, and allow them to be all about the worship events. As much as possible I have refused to schedule weddings on Easter weekend; I have refrained from visiting folks, unless they land in the hospital or have a real crisis in their life at the moment; I have kept all meetings off the calendar. It has not been particularly hard to do these things, as most people in the church are pretty focused on the holiday, or Spring Break from school, and engaged in family activities more than church activities (except the worship.) So even though there is work for me in terms of getting ready for the various worship experiences, several sermons or meditations to write, liturgies to plan, and all the myriad details of making sure all the candles, sound systems, etc. are set properly, there is a sense of Sabbatical time to all of it for me. For instance, I myself prepare the Fellowship Hall for the Maundy Thursday celebration. I recreate, [somewhat, with the help of a member who owns an Import store with merchandise from Morocco] an "Upper Room" atmosphere. We set up a station for washing feet in the center of the room on a Turkish rug, with basins and pitchers and grass baskets, etc. I surround that with the round dining tables and spread around the room lots of candles. It creates a very effective mood for the worship. All this set-up takes me about 2 hours, but I approach it with a sense of spiritual practice, a form of service to the people coming and to God. It is a time to reflect upon the coming worship, even to identify with those disciples Jesus sent on ahead to prepare the room for the supper that last night before his death.

All the preparation for the events of this weekend provide the same sort of reflective time for me. In a very real way time slows down and I somewhat glide through these three days into the Easter celebration. I am able to prepare what I need to do with moments of reflection along the way and without stressing over getting everything done. It is nice to be able to find such a rhythm of reflection in the midst of my regular work (although holiday times are hardly "regular"). I wish there were a way to incorporate such a relaxed, less-stressed out rhythm into my regular work schedule.

A Birthday Gift to Myself

It was a type of "mini-sabbatical" today. Since it was my birthday I decided to take most of the day "off" from work. An additional round of golf for the week was my gift to myself. About 9 a.m. I called my regular golf partner, Frank, to see what he was doing for the day, and then we spontaneously visited a course we have played before, but not our regular course. The day was beautiful, bright blue skies, with clouds floating by in lazy fashion. It is a slightly easier course than we normally play, but even so, Frank shot one of his best rounds in a long time, an 81! I told him it was my "gift" to him (to let him beat me on my birthday! I shot an 87, still pretty good.) Being in a good mood after that, Frank bought me lunch at his favorite French Cafe. We enjoyed Prosciutto d'Amore on ciabbata bread sandwiches, and French coffee! Nice, relaxing morning! After getting cleaned up I then spent a little time in the afternoon engaging in pastoral care work, visiting some of my parishioners who live at East Ridge Retirement Village. I know you are not supposed to work on a "sabbatical," but I have been needing to see some of these folks for quite some time and they were very pleased to see me. Pastoral care, especially of this sort, is actually very enjoyable and even somewhat relaxing for me, sort of like visiting good friends. Especially since the conversations for these folks include some sharing of my life and of events and activities at the church, as a way of sharing news and connecting them with the wider world, as well as listening to them share about their lives, their families and friends, etc.

These sorts of days need to be a regular part of all of our lives. I know they are difficult for me to take and enjoy, as I am very responsible and very driven in terms of how much work I am aware is always needing my attention and energy. Yet I also know that God's design for humanity and the creation includes a regular sabbath every seventh day. While I am pretty good about taking my day off each week, there needs to be regular special days of rest, reflection, meditation, in my schedule for me to be re-energized and for me to do more than just the regular work that is part of a pastor's schedule. More and more that work has become task oriented and less and less the work of one who reflects on life and seeks the deeper theological insights into life.

But today was a day to reclaim some of that ability. It was a day for me. It was a day for sharing with family and friends. It was a day for thinking about life and for blogging. Now if I can just claim a day like this sooner than a year from now when my birthday rolls around again. Then I will be making real progress on implementing a learning from my sabbatical!

Another type of mini-sabbatical

"We have lost the ability and time to reflect on our lives today." With these words Ted Runions opened the retreat for the Board of Directors of the Florida Conference United Church of Christ which I recently attended. Everything proceeds at such an accelerated pace, yet we have less time, because we are expected to do more than we used to do. He reminded us that a “retreat” is a gift of time to stop, reflect, and think about what we are doing, why we are doing it, and how it is done. His opening comments reminded me of the purpose of a sabbatical. They also brought to mind how much I treasured and enjoyed the four-month gift of time to do just that in my own life. The longer I am back, the more I try to schedule and create such a time to reflect on my own life in the regular schedule of my days with increasing difficulty and frustration, the more I realize what a truly precious gift were those four months in 2008. Increasingly I feel like the crazy woodpecker who has taken to beating his head against the window in front of my desk. The bird must see its reflection and is either attacking this "other" bird which it feels is a threat, or is trying to make contact, but just keeps banging into this hard glass. I keep trying to find time in my daily routine to write in my journal, or write on my blog, or just sit and think. But it just does not happen. My days are filled with work duties, family duties, and when there appears to be time in the evening, I am often just too tired to focus beyond the television, or bed. I am very thankful that I keep finding small blocks of time, like my father's funeral weekend, or this Board of Director's Retreat weekend, to step away from my regular schedule. And I do some reflecting during those times. But it does not feel as if they are enough to deeply, richly feed my soul.

The Board of Directors' retreat was a sort of mini-sabbatical. Not only did it allow time for reflecting on the work of the Board and on my role with the Board, but the facilitator also helped us identify our Myers-Briggs Personality Types (I am an INFJ) toward the end of helping us clarify the personality of the Board of Directors and giving us some insight how this information can help in our work and functioning as a group. This personal information, however, also provided me an opportunity to engage in some personal reflection. I gained some new insight and recalled some old insight, into my personality type and I was able to reflect somewhat on why I am the way I am and revisit some understanding about how I function and what it most healthy for me. For instance, it was reinforced for me one more time, in one more way, that as an "I" (introvert) type, I draw my energy from time alone. Thus, it is vitally important for me to have quiet time to reflect, to be alone, in order to be re-energized. My daily solo walks are important. Time to write would be a very important positive exercise for me. I have been learning and claiming all these insights in many ways the past 8 months. This was one more confirmation about this self-knowledge. The trick is, as I initially stated, finding and claiming the time to commit to these activities.

A Different Type of Sabbath Time

Sabbath time it definitely is. But it is such a strange type of sabbath time. I am speaking of the period of time we take for initial mourning and grieving when a loved one dies. I totally understand why it is necessary. I learned early on Tuesday morning, February 17th, that my father had died at about 6:00 a.m. Central Standard Time in Mountain Home, Arkansas. For the next three days I had to make arrangements to travel to Mountain Home; contact family members who would want to know the news; take care of details at work for me to be absent on a Sunday morning and for 5 days total; and cover some of my regular work duties for those three days. All of that I did, but with a lot of distraction. My mind constantly wandered. I found it very difficult to remain focused. And I was not always distracted by thoughts of my father. Sometimes, I was. Sometimes it was thoughts of my mother, who has been dead for 10 years. Sometimes, I could not tell you what it was, other than my mind would just wander and I did not have the energy, or desire, to stay focused on one task for a very long time.

So, I fully understand the need we have as human beings, as spiritual beings, as emotional creatures, for sabbath time, down time, grieving time. Not that we can wrap up all of the grieving we might need to do in a few days. But, it is important for us to spend this time doing very little. It is important to spend time gathering with family we might not have seen for years. It is important to spend time allowing our minds to wander, for memories to surface and be reflected upon and rehearsed and sat with. It is important to spend time sharing stories about our deceased loved one, about our childhoods, about our separate and joint experiences with the one we are missing.

Sabbath time is a time for renewal. It is also a time to honor God. And during this type of sabbath time, our grieving sabbath, we honor God by honoring the loved one who has died. By stopping our regular lives, our regular routines, we say to the world, and to ourselves, "This person was important in my life, to me. The loss of this person needs to be marked and remembered. The life of this person needs to be celebrated and honored with respect and love. This person is a child of God and their life needs to be celebrated and given back to God with gratitude and thanksgiving." All of this we say through our action of taking sabbath time to mourn, grieve, and celebrate.

All this I am taking time for right now in Mountain Home, Arkansas and St. Louis, Missouri. All this I am engaged in with my brothers and sisters, uncles and friends of my father, and with the support of my wife, Dianne, and the support of many myriad prayers being lifted up for me and my family by family and friends and colleagues and church members not present physically, but clearly felt spiritually. This is a very different type of Sabbath, but it is every bit as important as regular weekly sabbath time and periodic Sabbatical time. And it is a gift, one which I treasure.

Pastor as Poet Needs Time for Reflection

Since returning from my Sabbatical there has been an increasing restlessness and dis-ease in my soul. I returned to work with renewed energy. I was well rested; my mind and my spirit were rejuvenated. My stress level was greatly lowered and my ability to cope with stress without unhealthy reactions was improved.

However, as I move further along in my work as pastor, I find it difficult to keep my attention and my energy focused. Initially I attributed this to the difficulty of returning to work routine after four months away from that routine. But it has been three-plus months back at the routine (almost as long as the entire sabbatical had been) and those difficulties persist, instead of lessening.

Today I read an article on the Christian Century web-site which struck a chord deep within and perhaps begins to help me identify something of what may be going on. The article is excerpted from M. Craig Barnes's book The Pastor as Minor Poet, published by Eerdmans. Barnes teaches at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and he presents another way of viewing the role and work of the local church pastor: as a poet. He is not advocating for us to write verse, but rather describing our calling with the analogy. Here is a brief excerpt from the article.

In contrast to the biblical and theological poets, the pastoral poet has the unique calling of making sense of their words in light of the dust and grit of daily life in a parish. And unlike those whom society has traditionally revered as poets, whose vision of the deeper reality is nurtured through quiet sanctuary, if not isolation, the pastor-poet lives with a crowded and noisy soul. Central to what it means to be ordained is to open the doors of one's soul to the complexities, pathos, longings and even sins of those the pastor has vowed to serve.

At the same time, the pastor is even more attentive to the unapparent presence of God among the people of the congregation. One of the reasons that people need pastors is precisely that God is always present but usually not apparent. It takes a poet to find that presence beneath the layers of strategy for coping with the feeling of its absence. Thus, the parish minister's soul becomes a crucible in which sacred visions are ground together with the common and at times profane experiences of human life. Out of this sacred mix, pastors find their deep poetry, not only for the pulpit but also for making eternal sense out of the ordinary routines of the congregation.

Pastors' days are filled with committee meetings that never end and accomplish little; confirmation classes with kids who can't be cool unless they look bored; races across town to make a hospital call, only to discover that the patient was just discharged (You're not getting credit for this one); counseling sessions with people who don't like their jobs but can't afford to quit them because they need them to afford lifestyles they don't really like either; funerals where they fight back their tears long enough to lead worship; weddings where they fight back aggressive photographers; conflicts with people who just won't leave the church; and the relentless return of Sundays that demand another profound sermon. And through it all, the attentive pastor is constantly spinning the poetry, helping the congregation to see the sacred subtext of their lives.

As poets, pastors are always looking for a portal that invites passage into a deeper, more mysterious—and thus true—understanding of what is seen. …

What if, instead of working so hard at omnicompetence, pastors were free to work hard simply at being better poets? And is it possible that the call to parish ministry can come not at the expense of our souls, but at their delight—the joy known only by those who can behold mystery and truth at work just beneath the surface of all the belief and all the reality of parish life?

One of the things learned on my sabbatical was the importance for me, as pastor, to have time to reflect on life, on the world, on the church. Without realizing it, I tapped into the importance of the pastor as poet, who “is always looking for a portal that invites passage into a deeper, more mysterious – and thus true – understanding of what is seen.” But to nurture that role, we need time. And the modern pastoral schedule does not allow for that sort of reflective, meditative, time. I am usually lucky to find a few minutes a day for quiet prayer! (Actually, I have been very good about maintaining the discipline of my daily four mile walk to the bay which provides me about 80 minutes of solitude and quiet time for prayer and meditation as I walk. It may also be part of the time necessary for me to use for poetic reflection.)

It is not easy to reclaim one’s schedule in order to direct it more for “poetic reflection” than for “technocratic managerial” tasks. Everything in our culture entices us and draws us toward “omnicompetence” and a technician mentality that approaches life as a problem for which we just need to identify the right solution, the right formula to correct and improve it, the right script.

The attitude and view of the poet, however, is an embracing of life to fully drink it in, fully absorb it, and then begin to understand the deeper meanings above, below, and within. Life is not a problem to be corrected, but a wonderful ride, or marvelous adventure, to be experienced fully through complete and total immersion. The poet does not shy away from pain, or try to mask or cover-up the sorrow and suffering, but embraces these experiences, too, as fully part of what it means to be alive.

Perhaps my restlessness arises from a need deep in my soul for this sort of exploration and embracing of life. While on sabbatical I uncovered once again my love for writing, especially free-flowing, reflective writing, and I discovered how nurturing this practice is for my soul. Since I have been back to work it has been difficult to find the time to spend at my computer, or with my journal, pen in hand, and just write freely about … anything… and everything. Whether my schedule and responsibilities allow for me to fully do so or not, clearly I need to consciously commit to nurturing my poet!