Sabbath Time: Time for reflecting

“I just don’t think about it.” This is a common reply by my 93 year old grandmother who I have been visiting in Georgetown, Texas. Whether it is a function of her age, of the beginning traces of dementia, or a defense mechanism she has learned when she doesn’t want to talk about something I found it a fascinating reply. She offered it often when I would ask her some query, like why they receive nice linen napkins at their tables for lunch, but then receive large 2 foot by 3 foot cotton terrycloth bibs for dinner? She didn’t know. She just doesn’t think about it. I told her that was the sort of trivia about which I often find myself thinking. I would want to know. I would assume there must be a reason and I would wonder what that reason might be.

Martin Heidegger, German philosopher who lived from 1889 – 1976, said in an address given in 1955 that the greatest danger of our time was that the calculating way of thinking, that is part of the technical revolution, will become the dominating and exclusive way of thinking. Why is this so dangerous? Heidegger said: “Because then we would find, together with the highest and the most successful development of our thinking on the calculating level, an indifference towards reflection and a complete thoughtlessness … then humanity would have renounced and thrown away what is most its own, its ability to reflect. What is at stake is to save the essence of humanity. What is at stake is to keep alive our reflective thinking.”

Coming across that quote recently, and visiting my grandmother, began to crystallize some thoughts for me. I agree with Heidegger on the importance of the ability to reflect on life. Animals don’t seem to have this ability. It is part of what makes dogs such wonderful pets: they don’t remember and reflect upon the vagaries of human behavior. They grow to love those human beings who take care of them and they then do so with a complete devotion, with unconditional love, never flagging in their zeal to show that love. Other animals a primarily concerned with survival, with finding food and maintaining their security, and with breeding and perpetuating their species.

Certainly we human beings are concerned with those matters, but a large part of what makes us different, perhaps even unique, is our ability to also reflect upon our experience. We have the ability to remember, to recall, to think about and ruminate over what we did, what happened to us, and imbue it with meaning.

But as we have become more proficient at problem-solving, at calculating and planning, especially with the aid of technology, have we become so engrossed, obsessed, and consumed with this thought process that we take less time to pause, recall, remember and reflect upon the life we are living, the experiences we are having, and find some deeper meaning to our lives?

This is an important reason for Sabbath time. Not just to relax. Not just to take it easy and rest. But also to have time to think, not in a calculating, planning, problem-solving sort of way, but rather in a slower, thoughtful, reflective manner. Sabbath time allows us to just be still with our lives, to recall our experiences, to remember them and to reflect upon them. As we do, we begin to identify larger patterns, deeper meanings, and fresh insights that are refreshing, renewing, and enlarging of our lives.

My grandmother may not think about such things. (Although I suspect she might do more reflecting than she owns up to.) But I definitely need and desire to think about such things. In fact, I yearn to reflect upon many things. Sabbath time is indeed sacred time. It is time to reflect and keep alive that divine quality with which God blessed us when creating us in God’s image.

A Most Unusual Sabbath Moment

I continue to struggle, obviously, with my commitment to write every day in my journal and regularly on this blog. I still am not quite sure why. I do believe I am having trouble managing all my email and my addiction to information on Facebook and other blogs. That may be more excuse, or symptom, rather than actual issue, but that is where my thinking is moving right now.

I did have a reflection that grew out of a rather unique "sabbath" moment. I will share part of the reflection and then maybe add some more comments afterward. This is what I wrote one night back in January while I was on-call for VITAS Hospice and attending a death.

So I'm sitting in a patient's room in a nursing home, waiting for the funeral home to come and transport her body. On the wall facing her bed, in this otherwise very cold and sterile environment, is a small print of Seurat's "La Grande Jatte." It is a rather interesting painting hanging in a strange setting, so that I find it rather absurd. The painting is full of life, though somewhat surreal due to the pointillism style of design and due to the strange aura of underlying horror, sadness, uncomfortable feeling that pervades what, on the surface appears as a happy painting about people enjoying a bright day in a park. Having thought about it, perhaps it is a most appropriate print for a place where there is horror, sadness, and great discomfort being lived out every day in a facility that makes only a token effort to mask the horrible reality of people aging and dying without the presence of real love and often in great loneliness.

I always think of my son, Paul, when I see that painting. It is one of his favorite pieces of art. I called him in Salt Lake City (actually I texted him and then he called me back) to share my experience with him of seeing this print in this surreal setting. We had a very good conversation. He has clearly begun a new life for himself in Salt Lake City. His family, me included, clearly wants to still take care of him and cushion him from the harsh realities of the world. But I am growing to believe that he needs to find his own way in the world - even if it means taking some lumps along the way. I know he has a good foundation we gave to him. I know he is a smart young man and I truly believe he knows we are there for him. I trust him to himself and the arms of God and know he will be OK.

I do not often have a chance while I am working for VITAS to spend time in reflection and in jotting down some of those thoughts. Usually on a death visit I am very focused on family members present and helping them begin to cope with their grief over the loss of their loved one, as well as handle the details of calling the funeral home, dispose of the controlled medications in sent to the patient, and fill out the paper work to document the death and what I have done.

But in this case, there was no family present. Family was notified but chose not to come to the nursing home. There was no staff present, they were off handling other patients. So it was just me alone, with the dead patient, and my thoughts. It turned out to be a very positive and helpful "sabbath" time for reflection about life, death, and my relationship with my son.

What I learned out of the experience was to be alert for those moments of "mini-sabbath" opportunities that occur along the way. They are most irregular. They often come out of the blue, usually when you are not really looking for them. But they can be very powerful, both in terms of nurturing my soul, my spiritual life, but also in terms of nurturing my heart and mind. They can bring a refreshing sense of mental and emotional renewal, as well as spiritual renewal. A new step in the dance of Sabbath Tango!

The pictures are from the Art Institute in Chicago, the Seurat painting "La Grande Jatte." The larger picture is the whole piece. The closer view of the little girl in the middle begins to illustrate some of the underlying unsettling feelings in the picture.

A sunrise of promise for 2010

The sun rose brightly over Biscayne Bay on a new day, a New Year, a New Decade. There were clouds on the horizon so the sun was slightly delayed in breaking forth with bright rays of hope and glory for the new day. Somewhat symbolic it seems. Since 2009 was such a difficult year for so many of us undoubtedly we will not be able to put it behind us as quickly as we might like. While 2010 holds the promise of being a better year and for many of the problems of the past several years to begin to be solved, resolved, and improved upon, it will probably not feel a lot different than 2009 for the first part of the year. The promise, though, is that just as the sun did rather quickly rise above the clouds to a clear, open sky to shine forth brightly, 2010 will eventually prove to be a brighter, better year than 2009.

It has begun well for me. I did get up at 6:00 a.m. to walk to the Bay to start my day. As I left the house the full moon which closed out 2009 was still shining in the western sky through a slight haze hanging over the darkened world, whether from Florida humidity, or the remains of all the fire works exploded by our neighbors the previous night (it was like a war zone) providing an ethereal illumination for the beginning of the walk. The sunrise was well worth waking up early and the walk. It is always very nourishing for my soul to spend even just a few minutes down by the Bay at the start of the day. That also means I got my exercise and meditation walk in for the day. I then spent the rest of the morning cleaning up the house to get ready for my daughter to return with one of her Law school classmates for a few days before they have to return to Pennsylvania.

I have also been able to write this post for the blog, which makes two days in a row and provides a good start to 2010. That is my primary resolution this year: to make a commitment to finding time to write, either in my blog or in my private journal, every day. I wrote almost every day when I was on sabbatical. That was in addition to studying Spanish, doing homework, exploring the city in which I was living. There really should not be any excuse for not writing. So I will make a commitment to doing that each and every day this year.

Happy New Year one and all. Hold onto the hope and promise of the sunrise for a new day for our world in 2010!

Some final thoughts on/in 2009!

Happy New Year! It is 11:00 p.m. on December 31, 2009. I have done a lousy job of regular postings on this blog this past fall. My last post, "A New Commitment to Sabbath Time" talked about a plan for incorporating mini-retreats into my monthly schedule. I did achieve that to some extent: I had a trip to Orlando in November for the Florida Conference Board of Directors' meeting. I had some great reflection time in the car on the drive to Orlando and actually composed some blog posts in my mind, but then never made the time to sit down and actually commitment them to computer and post on the blog!!!! Then I had a nice weekend off for my annual immersion in NASCAR during the final Sprint Cup race in Homestead, Florida. That has developed into a very enjoyable, mindless, ritual event for me. It started as a means to better connect with my son who was a temporary NASCAR fan when in elementary school, because his best friend was a fan. Eventually Paul grew out of that interest, which was never very deep, but I had become hooked. Unfortunately, the weekend is all focused on watching the cars drive the track and there is not much reflection or meditation time. It is not an experience that requires a lot of mental activity, but it does require focus, even if somewhat mindless. Still, I have grown to enjoy it and look forward to it every year. Over Thanksgiving I enjoyed a long weekend, with a trip to Naples to have Turkey Dinner with my father-in-law. You may remember from the last post that during the trip to Naples in October I actually developed a deeper appreciation for the view from his patio as a place to meditate, reflect and blog. But that didn't develop this time in November, or on our trip over on Christmas Day. Both trips were nice and relaxing in terms of providing a break from the regular hectic schedule of daily work life. The first weekend of December also provided a break of sorts. Dianne and I traveled to Melbourne/Palm Bay to join with the Riviera UCC folks in celebrating 120 years of ministry to those two communities. This was the church I served for 9 years upon first coming to Florida when it was located in downtown Melbourne. I had very little responsibility for the weekend, just reading scripture in worship on Sunday, and enjoying their celebration banquet, greeting and visiting with old friends, on Saturday evening. It was a nice break from the regular Advent routine. This past week was nice and slow and I had a good visit with my two children, even if too brief with my son. He and his sister arrived the day after Christmas, along with Dianne's daughter, her family, and Di's brother and family for a very full day of family Christmas. Then there was worship on Sunday. But we did get to the movies twice as a family, enjoyed several videos and one game of cards, and several good dinners. Now he has gone back to Palm Bay for three days before flying back to Utah for the start of the next semester at college. His sister is returning here tomorrow for a few more days with us, along with one of her new law school buddies who needed a Florida sunshine break from the Pennsylvania winter.

The only problem with all those breaks these past two months is they were actually too many. The result was even more stress and pressure during the regular weeks of work, as all my regular work commitments had to be completed in the remaining time each month. While I really enjoyed the down time and the change of schedule, what I learn from this experience is the need for balance: I need some down time for reflection and meditation, but not too much, unless it is a large block of time taken all at once, like a week or two of vacation, or a longer retreat or continuing education event. I also need to make sure and incorporate at least a brief period for reflecting and writing those reflections so that the time takes on more depth and, especially when I do have a meaningful reflection like I did several times on some of the long drives, I don't lose those thoughts to the ether.

Anyway, while I missed November with a post, here is one for December, a final one for 2009, and I am saving some thoughts for tomorrow morning and hopefully my first post for 2010. Happy New Year!

A New Commitment to Sabbath Time

The sky was bright blue. There was a gentle breeze blowing off the Gulf of Mexico, which was shimmering invitingly beyond the mangroves & Australian pines. Sitting on my father-in-law’s fifth floor balcony in Naples on Wednesday morning, October 22, working on my submissions for the church newsletter, I wished that was my office setting all the time. I would really enjoy working in such a relaxed setting with such a beautiful, inspiring view.

Later that day Dianne and I then drove north to Clearwater Beach and set up shop on the ninth floor of the Hilton, with a balcony facing north presenting a view of Clearwater Bay and the condos, homes and palm trees of this sleepy little island to the east, and of the beach and the Gulf of Mexico to the west. While this was been a working trip for Dianne who went there to conduct the wedding of the youngest child of a life-long friend she has known since they were both 10 years old, for me it was another form of Sabbath retreat. Yes, I did engage in some work activities: finishing up my newsletter submissions as I previously mentioned, answering emails from parishioners and colleagues, scheduling a substitute preacher for an upcoming Sunday, participating in a conference call meeting of a committee of the Florida Conference UCC, and doing some reading as research for Sunday’s sermon. Even so, there was a much more relaxed rhythm to my days, with work slipped into the seams and edges of the day, while there were also many renewing and regenerating activities composing the bulk of my activity. Each day included a 75 minute walk on the beach (twice at sunrise, once in the middle of the day). I read the New York Times from front page to back every day (a much more complete, comprehensive, and interesting newspaper than my hometown Miami Herald). All three meals every day were relaxed times with Dianne, without a TV and with good conversation. I even enjoyed a little bit of pleasure reading, starting the Pat Conroy novel, South of Broad.

Early in my career as a pastor I read somewhere the suggestion that a pastor ought to schedule a monthly retreat for the purpose of self-renewal, spiritual regeneration and growth. I never felt I could afford to do that every month. I have always been very faithful about observing and keeping my day off each week (of course most people in the work force in the US get two days off, but clergy never seem entitled to that perk). I have also, occasionally, tried to schedule a quarterly retreat, a few days away from my ministry setting, usually at a retreat house. But I have never established even that as a regular pattern. But since my Sabbatical, when I learned how truly renewing time away from the regular schedule of responsibilities, activities, and expectations can be, this past year I have been reflecting more upon the nature of Sabbath as time away. As I look back at the year, especially through these blog posts, I realize I have had some sort of time away almost every month. Some of it has been around family concerns; my father’s failing health and then death, my children going off to law school and college, attending this wedding to support Dianne. Some of it has been more related to work; attending the Florida Conference Annual Meeting and staying over an extra day to enjoy Daytona Beach with my wife. And some has been family vacation time; our trip to Chicago to celebrate Dianne’s birthday with family, our quick trip to Savannah in September.

The result has been a more relaxed pastor during the more common active periods of ministry. I have been able to go about my work with greater energy, a better balanced sense of priorities and perspective, and a fresher capability for creativity. This past year this schedule evolved more by accident than by planning. Having a better understanding of the benefit such a schedule provides, however, leads me to the decision that I want to commit to such a schedule in the future. Toward that end I plan to take a mini-retreat each month this next year. If I will be away during the month for Conference related business or vacation time, I will dedicate a part of that time away to some intentional Sabbath time of reflection and renewal. If such time does not present itself in a month, I will take a 2-3 day mini-retreat during one week of the month and get away from my home, my regular routine, and set aside the time to spend in intentional prayer and reflection on life and my ministry. Such a schedule should provide great benefit to me and to my ministry, and possibly ensure a longer tenure with renewed energy and a healthier attitude and outlook. Stay tuned for more updates on the Sabbath Tango experiment!

Sabbath Tango is a Difficult Dance

I am really struggling to keep posting to this blog. I had set myself a goal of having at least one post each month this year, and here it is almost to the end of September before I am adding something for this month. The month almost slipped by without a post, and I even had 10 days off from work for vacation time with Dianne this month! I must say, it was a very mixed bag as far as vacation time goes. We had to begin the time with a trip to Naples, FL to check on her father who is having some health issues and then we had to end the time with another trip to Naples the last two days to check up on him again. Thankfully, the two trips resulted in good news from the doctors visited, so they were certainly worthwhile and necessary.

Sandwiched between these two trips to Naples was a quick trip to Savannah, GA, which is apparently becoming our new "favorite" southern city. (Sorry Charleston, you are being edged out by your neighbor to the south!) Savannah is a lovely, old south city filled with charm, story, restored 150 year-old houses and other architectural structures, lovely shaded squares, and very gracious hospitality. It also has a beach on Tybee Island (which Charleston has, too) which is very necessary for us as both of us worry we will dry up and wither away if we are ever removed too far from an ocean for too long! We had a very nice time in Savannah. The B & B where we stayed was lovely and very comfortable. The hosts were most attentive and prepared very delicious & filling breakfasts. We had some exquisite meals, very delicious and at least one, very gourmet! We enjoyed some jazz and some street artists.

It was a very enjoyable 4 days. But it did not have the feel of "sabbath" time. Why was that? It was vacation. It was a break from my regular routine. But it was not that special, step aside and live life at a different pace, time. It was somewhat diminished by the fact that I had not completed the work I needed to finish before leaving by Sunday, and so a big chunk of Monday and Tuesday, when I was in Naples, and then back in Miami before leaving for Savannah, was spent working on articles for the Church newsletter. I think it was also kept from being Sabbath time because of the time spent attending to my father-in-law's medical needs. (That was important time and necessary for us to pay attention to, but it was not sabbath time.) And then, for some reason, we filled the time in Savannah to the brim with activity: visiting Fort Pulaski (which was very interesting); visiting the Tybee light house; visiting Bonaventure Cemetery; visiting antique dealers and old houses, including the Mercer-Williams house, which was made famous by Johnny Mercer, whose great-grandfather began building the house before the Civil War, did not finish the house after the war, sold it to someone else, and no other Mercer, including Johnny, ever lived in the house! Everything we did was interesting. But in the short time we were there it felt like we filled the time too much with activity and not enough with laid-back, down-time, with no activity except perhaps to read, enjoy the gardens of the B & B, maybe even sleep some extra time.

What I would conclude is Sabbath Time is hard to find. We do not live in a world that encourages or nurtures sabbath time activities. Even our regular Sabbath Days, (Saturday for the Jews and Seventh-Day Adventists and Sunday for Christians) are filled with activity. For most of us, finding even an hour on Sabbath Day to gather with others for worship is often difficult. And forget about trying to find sabbath time during the rest of the week. Unless you have been laid-off, downsized, or had your hours cut-back, because of the bad economy, you are not working a 40 hour week, you are working a 50 or 60 hour week, often spread over 6 days instead of 5. On top of that you are needing to spend many hours attending to chores and tasks at home. So actually finding time for rest, relaxation, meditation, worship, just being and enjoying creation, it very, very difficult. It is most certainly a dance. As "Dancing with the Stars" has demonstrated for all America, to master a dance takes hard, hard work, time, and dedication. We keep wanting sabbath time to just "materialize" and when it doesn't, we don't seem to know how to advocate for our right to it and are afraid to proclaim how important it is. I wish I had an answer, but instead, as my minimal posts illustrate, it is a difficult tango for me to master as well.

Enjoy the pictures above of Savannah. It is a lovely city. And I encourage you to keep practicing your sabbath tango, as I promise to keep trying to do as well!

A Sacred Time of Transition

A low, gray, overcast sky has greeted us on the final day of Orientation at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, Utah. Since Paul and I landed 4 days ago the weather has been hot with bright blue, cloudless skies every day. Somehow this weather today feels appropriate for a day of saying goodbye to my son as all the other parents will be doing as well. I do wonder what they will be doing about the "Regional Brunches" which are to be held outside on the lawn in front of the library?

Yesterday was a day of moving in, settling in his dorm room, meeting his roommate, checking out the college job fair to sign-up for possible work-study jobs, gathering information about the activities and life on the Westminster campus, hearing presentations from various administrative staff, and meeting and greeting various faculty. It was a day clearly designed to help students and parents transition to college life and to begin the process of separation for the parents and integration into the Westminster community for the students.

A beautiful and very inspirational event was the Convocation held late in the afternoon in the Field House. Families and friends were seated in the bleachers, with seats arranged on the main floor for the students and faculty. The sound of bagpipes announced the opening processional as the Utah Pipers Band led in the faculty, wearing their colorful academic regalia, who formed two lines to create a welcoming corridor for the new students to pass through upon entering. It had much of the pomp and circumstance of a graduation and was another clear indication of the benefits of attending a smaller college, where this sort of ritual and ceremony is still an important part of the life of the college community. Listening to the various speeches it became clear to me again of the strength of this college. Though small and relatively unknown, Westminster has a clear vision and educational philosophy which is strongly grounded in a collaborative learning model that approaches the students not just as receptacles of knowledge, but talented, intelligent, capable participants in creating a learning environment. Westminster is clearly about forming scholars and shaping thinkers for leadership and participation in the world. I remembered why I treasured my time and education at Westminster so much, and became further convinced that this was an excellent choice for Paul to make for his college education. I know deep in my heart he is going to thrive in this environment.

While I spoke in an earlier post about taking children off to college as another type of sabbatical experience, it is not typical sabbath time at all. It is a very busy time: helping both of my children settle into their new homes was extremely time consuming. It is also a very emotional time, perhaps more so for me this year because both Paul and Rebekah are living outside the state of Florida for the first time since they were born. Even so, it is a time filled with reflection. It is a different time than normal daily life. It is a time for marking passages in their lives, in my life, in our family life. It is a truly sacred time.

The pictures above include Paul settling into his dormitory room, participating in the convocation, and a sample of the view he will enjoy for the next four years, the Wasatch Mountains which are omnipresent as they loom over the Salt Lake Valley in the east.

Taking Paul to College

Crickets & cicadas serenaded us all night long. Walking around Liberty Park this morning I watched the sunrise over the Wasatch Mountains. Most of the yards in this quiet neighborhood have beautiful wildflowers growing. There is definitely a small town feel to this city. Yes, we are no longer in Miami! Yesterday, after five hours of flying time, with a stopover in Dallas, Texas added in, Paul and I arrived in Salt Lake City, Utah where he will be living for the next four years as a student at Westminster College.

It is wonderful to be back in Salt Lake City. The two years I spent here as a student at Westminster back in the mid-1970's were some glorious, fun, stimulating, challenging and wonderful years. Breaking away from my roots in St. Louis, Missouri undoubtedly helped me to develop my traveling lifestyle that has taken me to Atlanta, GA; Elkhart, IN; Palm Bay and Miami, FL as places I have called home and to almost all of the 48 lower states, plus France, England, Italy, Israel, Argentina & Peru, as places I have visited. In my heart, I truly believe this experience at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, so far from home in Florida where he has lived for his first 18 years of life, will bring similar possibilities into Paul's life.

When we touched down in Salt Lake City yesterday my stomach suddenly filled with butterflies. I don't fully understand it yet, whether I am excited for him, nervous for him, or what. I will explore those reflections in another post later this trip. For now we are off to set-up a bank account for Paul, purchase needed items for his dormitory room, and continue exploring his new home. The pictures with this post were taken at the Wildflowers B&B where we are staying. It is just three blocks from the campus and is run by two lovely women who provided a marvelous breakfast. Paul is framed by the Wasatch Mountains to the east (which is why they are washed out by the early morning sun), I am standing in front of the B&B, and the chickens live in this coop in the back yard (we have not had eggs for breakfast yet, but I'm betting we will!)

Another Type of Sabbath Experience - Taking Children Off to College!

For the past four days I have been embarked on another type of Sabbatical experience: accompanying my oldest, my daughter Rebekah, to Pennsylvania to help her settle into her new apartment. She has moved to Carlisle, PA and is enrolled in Dickinson Law School of Penn State University. My little girl is off on a new adventure, passing another milestone, and taking another giant step into adulthood. Is all this truly happening? Is she really becoming a Law School student, embarking on a graduate degree, in a far northern state? Where did the past 22 years go? I really am proud of her and so happy for the opportunity she has before her. I know she will do well and achieve amazing things. But as any parent who has experienced this knows, it is such a bittersweet time. Although I must admit, the past four days have been so busy - driving from Miami to PA in just over 24 hours, with a six hour stop to sleep and a two hour stop in IKEA, Baltimore, to purchase furniture (more on that adventure in a moment); several trips to WalMart and Target and another trip back to Baltimore IKEA to pick-up furniture and a variety of items one needs to set up house in a new location; hours spent assembling furniture; a little time today to explore the town and see where Bekah will be living and studying for the next three years - that I have had precious little time to sit and think and reflect and actually allow the grief feelings at this step to take hold of me. Perhaps tomorrow on the flight home, when she actually takes me to the airport and she makes another trip to Baltimore IKEA!

So, what is up with IKEA? Bekah was told by customer service when she called them weeks ago from Miami that they could deliver her furniture to her apartment in PA for a fee of $99 if she purchased it in the store. They also said if she did so before 3:00 p.m. they could deliver it that same day! So, we dashed to Baltimore from Miami, barely stopping to sleep, to arrive at IKEA before 3:00 p.m. on Monday (a highway construction delay topped off with an accident scene in the middle of it cost us about 30 minutes, but we still made 3:00 p.m. Hooray!) At the home delivery desk we learned they ONLY deliver to her region in PA on WEDNESDAY OR FRIDAY! So it would not have mattered when we arrived on Monday, the furniture would not arrive before Wednesday!!! Of course, the car was loaded to the gills so we could not take the furniture ourselves at that moment. She arranged for the delivery and we made our way to Carlisle, found her apartment (a ground floor in a nice row house), met her landlord, did the walk-thru, signed the lease, and unloaded the car. The next day we trekked back to IKEA in Baltimore (about a 90 minute trip) to pick-up the furniture ourselves. Upon arrival back in Carlisle we began assembling the furniture, starting with the bed. After getting the sideboards attached to the head & foot board we were ready for step 6, attaching the middle support beam. Could not find it! Momentarily panicked that we had messed up royally when we unpacked the bed frame at IKEA in order to fit it in the Hyundai Accent and thought we might have left the support beam in the box! After Bekah called IKEA we learned that no, we had not messed up, THEY DID! It seems this is one of the furniture pieces sold in multiple packages, and you must purchase each package and pay for them separately. On Monday when she purchased the furniture, one of the store employees went through the self-service section and pulled her furniture for her and placed it on the cart. So we had not gathered it ourselves and had no idea that there were three parts to the bed. The IKEA customer service employee's response when that was explained to him was, "Oh, sorry about that." Since we could not finish the bed without that piece, Bekah has been sleeping on her mattress on the floor inside the bed frame. Plus, she will now have to drive back to IKEA Baltimore on Thursday after taking me to the Harrisburg airport! IKEA is still her favorite store, for the merchandise! She loves their product. But it has slipped significantly in her eyes in terms of their Customer Service!

Aside from the furniture difficulties, we have had a wonderful time together. It has been marvelous to explore her new home town with her. Carlisle is a lovely, very old, small town in rural Pennsylvania. It sits in the shadows of the Allegheny mountains to the West and North of town, in a beautiful valley still filled with farmland. It is a town rich in history, having been founded before the Revolutionary War; having been visited by George Washington who used it as a staging area to assist in quelling the Whiskey Rebellion in western PA; playing a significant role in the Civil War campaign decided at Gettysburg (which lies just about 20 miles to the South.) Dickinson College was founded in 1783 by Benjamin Rush, one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, and the Law School founded about 50 years later in the early 1800's.

While the time with Bekah has been packed full of activity, it has also been a rewarding time for me, having this final, father/daughter time with her. I don't know if we shall ever have time like this again, or if so, how soon. She is just about all grown up. In three years she will be a law school graduate and quite possibly on her way to being married. She will undoubtedly end up with a very busy, very demanding law position and will have less and less time for her father. I am not crying poor me, I know this and I really do want this for her. She is pursuing a dream she has had since she was in elementary school and she first declared at the dinner table she was going to be a lawyer and a Supreme Court Justice. I am totally confident she will achieve those dreams. I am just extremely pragmatic and realize the road to those dreams will involve me less and less. Which makes me extremely grateful for any special time I receive with her, such as these past four days. It has truly been a blessing and I am so glad I was able to enjoy this first step in her adventure with her.

Next week I get to accompany Paul as he begins his own adventure: first year of college at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, Utah! Check back in a week for further reflections as my new Sabbatical experience doubles with my second child leaving home for schooling outside the state of Florida!

The pictures above are samples of Rebekah's new life in PA!

The Difficulty of Learning the Sabbath Tango

Here it is July 22, 2009, and I am making my first post for the month! Last year, even with six days in the wilderness of Northern Minnesota, I already had several posts by this time. In fact, by the 22nd of July, 2008, I was on my way back to Miami after the first three weeks of my Sabbatical feeling very refreshed, relaxed and ready for my South American adventure! This July 22 I am finishing up my one-week vacation, enjoying a final full day in Chicago, and wondering where the vacation time went to so fast?!? One-week of vacation is not nearly enough time off to accomplish what a vacation needs to do in terms of restoring the body, mind and soul. For example, I am just now getting over a cold that is trying to become bronchitis. This hit me two days ago, about half-way through the vacation. It took my body 4 days to realize it was on vacation before it could consider whether it wanted to get sick for vacation or not! It took my mind a good three days to realize it was on vacation before it began to shift into relaxation mode. It has taken my spirit about six days to realize it was on vacation to where I was ready to begin engaging in spirit-renewing activities, such as writing in my journal, or my blog, and reading a book just for fun! Of course, I return to Miami tomorrow and back to work on Friday, so body will have had about 4 days of vacation, 2-3 of them fighting illness; my mind will have had about 5 days of vacation, also 2-3 days of that clouded by my body's illness; and my spirit will have had about 2 days of vacation.

And that is how most of my time off this year is shaping up. We had this week in Chicago to celebrate my wife Dianne's birthday (and we had a wonderful time with our family in Chicago, Jim, Erika, and granddaughters, Madeleine & Shelby.) I will next take a 4.5 days early in August to drive with my daughter,Rebekah, to Pennsylvania to help her get settled in her apartment for Law School which begins later that month. Then, after returning to Miami, a week later I will fly with my son, Paul, out to Salt Lake City, Utah, to help him get settled in Westminster College for his freshman year. I will take about 8 days to make that trip, and the last two days will probably be alone time for me as it appears that the orientation schedule does not include parents on Monday or Tuesday. (That is fine with me, at least I will get a little bit of solo vacation out of the trip!) Then Dianne and I are planning to take a 10 day trip this September, probably to California. Perhaps that will be a long enough experience to bring full refreshment and renewal to my body, mind & soul?!

I am not really complaining, as much as I am bemoaning several realities. First, the fact that we expect too much out of too little far too often in our society. We expect a one or two week vacation to make up for the other 50 highly stressful, highly taxing, highly exhausting weeks we spend at work, at volunteer activities, at household chores, etc. We expect one-hour a week on Sunday mornings to renew our relationship with God and to restore our spiritual health to a balanced place to take us through the week. Our bodies, minds and spirits need regular renewal time and periodic intense, extended renewal time, for good health. It is the way we were created. Besides all the medical studies highlighting this truth, God's plan as detailed in the Bible also teaches us the same thing. God established the Sabbath at the very beginning creating the world: after six days of work, God rested. God knew when to take a break and God taught us that we need to do the same thing. Yet how infrequently do we really take a weekly Sabbath? If we are lucky enough any more to not work on Saturday or Sunday we almost always fill both days with chores and other high levels of activity. How often do we stop to ask ourselves if something we are planning to do will be renewing to our body, mind, spirit, or family relationships?

The other reality I find very sad is that there is so little acknowledgement of the importance of family and family relationships in the structure of our employment practices. I remember when the Family Leave Act was passed by Congress back in the '90's that mandated employers to allow mothers and fathers time off work for the birth or adoption of a baby. It was a major battle to get this law passed! Most employers do not allow for separate sick-leave days for caring for a family member: an employee must use their sick leave, which in most cases is pretty minimal for the year, especially when it must be divided between the employee and one or more dependents. Most employers do not allow for time off for attending to other family care situations: like attending graduations, taking children off to college, etc. To do such a parent must use vacation time. Now I realize there might always be people who would abuse some benefit, but I also realize that we as a society are extremely driven to succeed at all costs, especially when it comes to turning a profit. We have very little humane and compassionate practices in our economic, business, and social relationships. And the church gets sucked right into the same attitudes and practices. This is very sad.

But I am thankful for a caring and understanding congregation of people who, while they expect a lot out of their pastor and like for him to be available 24/7/365, still realize he is a human being who needs time away for renewal and refreshment. They are fairly flexible and as long as I am there at the critical moments, for the most part they allow me space and encourage me to find Sabbath Time so that I can be healthy, whole, and a better person and pastor. Finding such is part of the difficult dance known as Sabbath Tango. As I learned in Argentina one does not pick-up the Tango, and definitely not master it, in just a few lessons. It takes years of practice. Even so with the Sabbath Tango.

(The pictures include: A brown bear cooling himself at the Brookfield Zoo, he definitely seems to have a better handle on the Sabbath Tango than I do; Dianne & I with our children preparing to go out to celebrate her birthday with a fabulous dinner; a view of the Chicago River from the boat tour we enjoyed; a photo of me & Dianne and taking a photo of ourselves and the Chicago skyline in the Cloud Gate in Millenium Park; and a photo of Dianne, Rebekah & Paul at the sign for Millenium Park.)

A Celebration 18 Years in the Making!

My son is graduating from High School tomorrow! Eighteen years ago when I held him in my arms at his birth this moment seemed an eternity away. Over the years there were even some periods in our struggles with him around his studies and his attentiveness to school where we wondered if he would actually make it to this moment. But despite all our worries and fears he has arrived and arrived in very good shape. He has matured, taking giant steps forward this past year, into a fascinating, creative, deep-thinking young man. He is finding his talents and calling in life (not that it is necessarily settled yet, but he does have a direction to his journey that he is walking with some intentionality) which he is embracing, even as he continues to remain open to exploring more areas of possible interest and creative expression. He is enrolled in the college of his choice, which also luckily chose him, and with a final summer of freedom before him, is actually quite ready, even anxious, to be finished with high school and ready to move on to the adventure that awaits him in college.

And so I am sitting in a hotel room in Melbourne, Florida, at midnight, having enjoyed an evening of celebration with my son, his mother and step-mother, his sister, one uncle, and sister's boyfriend and wondering how did I get here and where did the years go so quickly?!?! I don't really "feel" old, yet my daughter has been out of college for one year and is headed off to law school in August and my son is graduating high school and flying off to college out west this year as well. Eighteen years have literally flown by, when viewed from this end of the chronological spectrum. This is one powerful reason why sabbath time, time-off, and time to relish and reflect on life is so important to me. Because it all passes so quickly. Especially when one is caught up in the myriad duties of working, pastoring a church, living life. Yet, in spite of a recent sabbatical to help regain my focus on time-off and reflective time, I still struggle to incorporate into my schedule time to write, time to reflect, time to just be.

At the same time, as I do reflect on my life, it is very good. I am engaged in very meaningful ministry at both the church I pastor and through part-time, on-call chaplain work for VITAS Hospice. I live in a beautiful place, South Florida, with near ideal weather 90% of the year. I play golf once a week, walk several times a week, encounter a wide variety of wildlife (amazing since I live in an urban area). I am surrounded by very loving, accepting family and wonderfully supportive, even if at times a bit challenging, church members. My life is rich and for the most part enjoyable and meaningful. Perhaps I need to take a step-back from, a sabbath break from, my expectations about sabbath time and reflection time, and relish the time I have to enjoy the life with which I have been blessed? Perhaps my reflection time is quality enough if I find the moments to think about life and appreciate life, even if I don't write those reflections down anywhere? Perhaps my occasional posts on this blog, my sporadic entries in my journal, are satisfactory reflection times for the time being and when I need to engage in more frequent writings, I will find the time, I will make the time, God will bless me with the opportunity, through another sabbatical, another vacation, another period of intentionality?

But for right now, I am relishing and wallowing in the celebration of my son, my youngest child, graduating from High School! Way to go, Paul!!

A Birthday Gift to Myself

It was a type of "mini-sabbatical" today. Since it was my birthday I decided to take most of the day "off" from work. An additional round of golf for the week was my gift to myself. About 9 a.m. I called my regular golf partner, Frank, to see what he was doing for the day, and then we spontaneously visited a course we have played before, but not our regular course. The day was beautiful, bright blue skies, with clouds floating by in lazy fashion. It is a slightly easier course than we normally play, but even so, Frank shot one of his best rounds in a long time, an 81! I told him it was my "gift" to him (to let him beat me on my birthday! I shot an 87, still pretty good.) Being in a good mood after that, Frank bought me lunch at his favorite French Cafe. We enjoyed Prosciutto d'Amore on ciabbata bread sandwiches, and French coffee! Nice, relaxing morning! After getting cleaned up I then spent a little time in the afternoon engaging in pastoral care work, visiting some of my parishioners who live at East Ridge Retirement Village. I know you are not supposed to work on a "sabbatical," but I have been needing to see some of these folks for quite some time and they were very pleased to see me. Pastoral care, especially of this sort, is actually very enjoyable and even somewhat relaxing for me, sort of like visiting good friends. Especially since the conversations for these folks include some sharing of my life and of events and activities at the church, as a way of sharing news and connecting them with the wider world, as well as listening to them share about their lives, their families and friends, etc.

These sorts of days need to be a regular part of all of our lives. I know they are difficult for me to take and enjoy, as I am very responsible and very driven in terms of how much work I am aware is always needing my attention and energy. Yet I also know that God's design for humanity and the creation includes a regular sabbath every seventh day. While I am pretty good about taking my day off each week, there needs to be regular special days of rest, reflection, meditation, in my schedule for me to be re-energized and for me to do more than just the regular work that is part of a pastor's schedule. More and more that work has become task oriented and less and less the work of one who reflects on life and seeks the deeper theological insights into life.

But today was a day to reclaim some of that ability. It was a day for me. It was a day for sharing with family and friends. It was a day for thinking about life and for blogging. Now if I can just claim a day like this sooner than a year from now when my birthday rolls around again. Then I will be making real progress on implementing a learning from my sabbatical!

A Different Type of Sabbath Time

Sabbath time it definitely is. But it is such a strange type of sabbath time. I am speaking of the period of time we take for initial mourning and grieving when a loved one dies. I totally understand why it is necessary. I learned early on Tuesday morning, February 17th, that my father had died at about 6:00 a.m. Central Standard Time in Mountain Home, Arkansas. For the next three days I had to make arrangements to travel to Mountain Home; contact family members who would want to know the news; take care of details at work for me to be absent on a Sunday morning and for 5 days total; and cover some of my regular work duties for those three days. All of that I did, but with a lot of distraction. My mind constantly wandered. I found it very difficult to remain focused. And I was not always distracted by thoughts of my father. Sometimes, I was. Sometimes it was thoughts of my mother, who has been dead for 10 years. Sometimes, I could not tell you what it was, other than my mind would just wander and I did not have the energy, or desire, to stay focused on one task for a very long time.

So, I fully understand the need we have as human beings, as spiritual beings, as emotional creatures, for sabbath time, down time, grieving time. Not that we can wrap up all of the grieving we might need to do in a few days. But, it is important for us to spend this time doing very little. It is important to spend time gathering with family we might not have seen for years. It is important to spend time allowing our minds to wander, for memories to surface and be reflected upon and rehearsed and sat with. It is important to spend time sharing stories about our deceased loved one, about our childhoods, about our separate and joint experiences with the one we are missing.

Sabbath time is a time for renewal. It is also a time to honor God. And during this type of sabbath time, our grieving sabbath, we honor God by honoring the loved one who has died. By stopping our regular lives, our regular routines, we say to the world, and to ourselves, "This person was important in my life, to me. The loss of this person needs to be marked and remembered. The life of this person needs to be celebrated and honored with respect and love. This person is a child of God and their life needs to be celebrated and given back to God with gratitude and thanksgiving." All of this we say through our action of taking sabbath time to mourn, grieve, and celebrate.

All this I am taking time for right now in Mountain Home, Arkansas and St. Louis, Missouri. All this I am engaged in with my brothers and sisters, uncles and friends of my father, and with the support of my wife, Dianne, and the support of many myriad prayers being lifted up for me and my family by family and friends and colleagues and church members not present physically, but clearly felt spiritually. This is a very different type of Sabbath, but it is every bit as important as regular weekly sabbath time and periodic Sabbatical time. And it is a gift, one which I treasure.

Incorporating Sabbatical Learnings Not-so-easy!

Sixty-eight days ago I returned to Miami from South America. That is one week shy of how many days I spent in Argentina this year. It has been 59 days since I last posted an entry on this blog. I am struggling with the adaptations and changes to my life that I had hoped to incorporate following my Sabbatical. I returned to Miami a changed person. The problem is, I returned to the same life, the same job, the same church. Old patterns were very easy to slide back into and developing new patterns has been very tough.

Initially I was trying to ease back into work, into the community, into my family. I have spent a lot of quality time with family - paying more attention to my relationship with my wife, going to the NASCAR races at Homestead Speedway with my son one weekend, spending quality time with my daughter who has moved in with us full-time while she works in Miami and applies to law schools. Since I have been home I had the privilege of baptizing my three granddaughters; celebrated a quiet Thanksgiving with my wife, stepdaughter, her husband, and 3-month old baby girl; celebrated my 14th wedding anniversary with my wife by giving her a new dog, (a zukon: a bijon-frise/shih-tzu mixed breed); and of course, celebrated Christmas. That is just the family activity.

In addition the activity at church has slowly accelerated with the holiday season. It has all been good, but very busy and not a time for incorporating changed patterns. What I realize now is that the holiday season already involves changes in our regular living patterns. So, to try to make changes in a changing time is very, very difficult. Probably impossible.

A few things changes that I hoped to make I have made good progress toward implementing. Probably the one thing I have followed through on the best has been a renewed commitment to walking for exercise. One of the changes that took place for me in South America was the loss of 30 lbs. of weight. I had been fighting the "battle of the bulge" in my waist for a decade or more. In Argentina, without an automobile, I walked almost everywhere. I realize now I was walking probably better than 5-6 miles a day on a fairly regular basis. And I was eating healthier. One commitment I wanted to make was to walk 4 miles each morning. That has been difficult with morning breakfast meetings, on-call hours for VITAS Hospice, and a variety of factors. After a couple of weeks of struggling with this commitment, I made a new commitment. To walk 4 miles a day, no matter what time I must do it. So, I began the practice of walking later afternoon approaching sunset, if I was not able to walk at sunrise. As a result, I can now say that for more than a month now I have been walking 4 miles a day, morning or evening, without fail. The result is through the holidays I have been able to keep from gaining weight. (And I have not been all that good about not eating too much as we all tend to do over the holidays.) Now that the holiday binging period is almost complete, I am confident I will be able to maitain my commitment to regular walking exercise and with a return to healthier eating habits, I should be able to lose that final 15 lbs. that will get me to my goal of 185 lbs.

Two other changes I have made that I feel are positive. One is I no longer live by a list at work. Before the Sabbatical I had a practice of making a "to-do" list each Tuesday as I began my week (Mondays being my day off) and scratching off the items on the list as I went through the week. I know this is supposed to be a good time-management technique, but it can also become a constrictive practice. It was so freeing for 4 months to live life without a "to-do" list and so I decided I was not going to make a list when I returned. I have not and so far I do seem to be able to accomplish what I need to do each week. (The truth is, most of what I have to do each week does not vary much and I know what those tasks are and I get them done.) But not having a list staring at me is helping me to stay loose and less stressed.

The second change I have made is a definite reduction in my work hours each week. Before Sabbatical I am sure I was working upwards of 60 hours a week regularly. Now I am definitely below 50. I am not stressing over work as much and I am more relaxed at home. I really do believe I will be able to make some of the other changes I had wanted to make in this New Year. And tomorrow I am going to start by writing another post to my blog and share my "list" of changes for the New Year.

(The pictures I have posted include "Miami Snow on Christmas Day" [actually just foam on the water of the bay at sunrise], the NASCAR race, baptizing my granddaughters, and sunrise over Biscayne Bay on one of my morning walks.)

Re-entry at Christ Congregational Church

After two days back at work, I am, so far, working my plan to re-enter slowly. Yesterday, November 1, was my first official day back at work, off of sabbatical. The telephone started ringing in the morning, so obviously people were counting the days until I was off of sabbatical. (But I must commend them for they clearly respected the sabbatical and did not call me while I was away.) Dianne and I took the early part of the day and drove to Key Largo, in the Florida Keys, primarily to run the errand of visiting Shell World to buy some special sea shells for the baptism of our granddaughters coming up November 9, but the real reason was to spend some more down time with each other and have a nice lunch on the water. It was a beautiful day and while it was not South America it did allow us some fantasy time of still feeling like we were still on sabbatical or vacation. The drive was relaxing, Shell World provided a large selection of shells from which to choose shells not only for next Sunday's baptism, but also a supply for future baptism ceremonies. We enjoyed a very relaxed lunch at Sundowner's on Florida Bay with up-close visits by sea gulls and a white heron.

After returning home I enjoyed the end of the Miami Hurricane football game as they beat University of Virginia in overtime and then watched the University of Florida Gators beat the Georgia Bulldogs, supporting my daughter's Alma mater and vicariously enjoying the game with her through mutual text messages. Then Dianne and I went to the 3 C's Preschool Harvest Festival which had been postponed a week due to weather. I was warmly greeted by people we saw who knew us and was a nice preview of the welcome home we received on Sunday morning.

Sunday morning has come and gone. It was very comfortable for me to lead worship. It should not have been a surprise to me, as I have been leading worship, with others or alone, at least 46 weeks out of 52 for the past 28 years. As Dianne reminded me as I went out the door this morning, "It's just like riding a bike!" (That chestnut is as well-worn as every piece of meat out of the ordinary supposedly "tasting like chicken.") But I was a little concerned if I would remember what to do and what to say. As it turned out, I did not even think very much about the words I say at Communion when I break the bread and pour the juice, but they came to me at the time I needed them without even thinking about what they needed to be and the benediction words, I did not stumble over them at all. I guess my wife is right! The experience of leading both times of worship was very natural and felt very familiar. Plus I did not stress over it and handled it with grace and professionalism. It seems the sabbatical did help. Plus I had many people commenting on how rested and rejuvenated I appeared.

The question will be to see how long the affect lasts. I was asked what I planned to do to keep refreshed and I shared my thoughts on what now be my focus as pastor. I realize I did way too much as pastor before the sabbatical, and I do not want to fall back into those patterns. So I plan to focus on four areas:

1. Plan and lead worship

2. Prepare and present a sermon

3. Offer pastor care as the people need it

4. Offer leadership, in supporting their work as the people of God and helping to focus the work of the mission of the church.

I also plan to make writing in my journal a regular part of my life. One of my members who teaches Spanish in high school has offered to help me keep up my Spanish with regular tutoring and I plan to accept her offer. Several members have offered to help me practice my Spanish and I plan to do that as well. I certainly hope these practices will help me remain rejuvenated and not approach burn-out status quickly as work responsibilities accumulate. Stay tuned!