Another Type of Sabbath Experience - Taking Children Off to College!

For the past four days I have been embarked on another type of Sabbatical experience: accompanying my oldest, my daughter Rebekah, to Pennsylvania to help her settle into her new apartment. She has moved to Carlisle, PA and is enrolled in Dickinson Law School of Penn State University. My little girl is off on a new adventure, passing another milestone, and taking another giant step into adulthood. Is all this truly happening? Is she really becoming a Law School student, embarking on a graduate degree, in a far northern state? Where did the past 22 years go? I really am proud of her and so happy for the opportunity she has before her. I know she will do well and achieve amazing things. But as any parent who has experienced this knows, it is such a bittersweet time. Although I must admit, the past four days have been so busy - driving from Miami to PA in just over 24 hours, with a six hour stop to sleep and a two hour stop in IKEA, Baltimore, to purchase furniture (more on that adventure in a moment); several trips to WalMart and Target and another trip back to Baltimore IKEA to pick-up furniture and a variety of items one needs to set up house in a new location; hours spent assembling furniture; a little time today to explore the town and see where Bekah will be living and studying for the next three years - that I have had precious little time to sit and think and reflect and actually allow the grief feelings at this step to take hold of me. Perhaps tomorrow on the flight home, when she actually takes me to the airport and she makes another trip to Baltimore IKEA!

So, what is up with IKEA? Bekah was told by customer service when she called them weeks ago from Miami that they could deliver her furniture to her apartment in PA for a fee of $99 if she purchased it in the store. They also said if she did so before 3:00 p.m. they could deliver it that same day! So, we dashed to Baltimore from Miami, barely stopping to sleep, to arrive at IKEA before 3:00 p.m. on Monday (a highway construction delay topped off with an accident scene in the middle of it cost us about 30 minutes, but we still made 3:00 p.m. Hooray!) At the home delivery desk we learned they ONLY deliver to her region in PA on WEDNESDAY OR FRIDAY! So it would not have mattered when we arrived on Monday, the furniture would not arrive before Wednesday!!! Of course, the car was loaded to the gills so we could not take the furniture ourselves at that moment. She arranged for the delivery and we made our way to Carlisle, found her apartment (a ground floor in a nice row house), met her landlord, did the walk-thru, signed the lease, and unloaded the car. The next day we trekked back to IKEA in Baltimore (about a 90 minute trip) to pick-up the furniture ourselves. Upon arrival back in Carlisle we began assembling the furniture, starting with the bed. After getting the sideboards attached to the head & foot board we were ready for step 6, attaching the middle support beam. Could not find it! Momentarily panicked that we had messed up royally when we unpacked the bed frame at IKEA in order to fit it in the Hyundai Accent and thought we might have left the support beam in the box! After Bekah called IKEA we learned that no, we had not messed up, THEY DID! It seems this is one of the furniture pieces sold in multiple packages, and you must purchase each package and pay for them separately. On Monday when she purchased the furniture, one of the store employees went through the self-service section and pulled her furniture for her and placed it on the cart. So we had not gathered it ourselves and had no idea that there were three parts to the bed. The IKEA customer service employee's response when that was explained to him was, "Oh, sorry about that." Since we could not finish the bed without that piece, Bekah has been sleeping on her mattress on the floor inside the bed frame. Plus, she will now have to drive back to IKEA Baltimore on Thursday after taking me to the Harrisburg airport! IKEA is still her favorite store, for the merchandise! She loves their product. But it has slipped significantly in her eyes in terms of their Customer Service!

Aside from the furniture difficulties, we have had a wonderful time together. It has been marvelous to explore her new home town with her. Carlisle is a lovely, very old, small town in rural Pennsylvania. It sits in the shadows of the Allegheny mountains to the West and North of town, in a beautiful valley still filled with farmland. It is a town rich in history, having been founded before the Revolutionary War; having been visited by George Washington who used it as a staging area to assist in quelling the Whiskey Rebellion in western PA; playing a significant role in the Civil War campaign decided at Gettysburg (which lies just about 20 miles to the South.) Dickinson College was founded in 1783 by Benjamin Rush, one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, and the Law School founded about 50 years later in the early 1800's.

While the time with Bekah has been packed full of activity, it has also been a rewarding time for me, having this final, father/daughter time with her. I don't know if we shall ever have time like this again, or if so, how soon. She is just about all grown up. In three years she will be a law school graduate and quite possibly on her way to being married. She will undoubtedly end up with a very busy, very demanding law position and will have less and less time for her father. I am not crying poor me, I know this and I really do want this for her. She is pursuing a dream she has had since she was in elementary school and she first declared at the dinner table she was going to be a lawyer and a Supreme Court Justice. I am totally confident she will achieve those dreams. I am just extremely pragmatic and realize the road to those dreams will involve me less and less. Which makes me extremely grateful for any special time I receive with her, such as these past four days. It has truly been a blessing and I am so glad I was able to enjoy this first step in her adventure with her.

Next week I get to accompany Paul as he begins his own adventure: first year of college at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, Utah! Check back in a week for further reflections as my new Sabbatical experience doubles with my second child leaving home for schooling outside the state of Florida!

The pictures above are samples of Rebekah's new life in PA!

The Power of Memory: Remembering & Reliving the Sabbatical

While on a roll, I want to post something other than a complaint-based rant. There have actually been a number of experiences and reflections I have enjoyed this month, related to my Sabbatical of last year, that I just never found the time to sit down and write about on my blog. (That is part of the source of the complaint-based rant.) So, today, my last day of vacation in Chicago, I want to share some reflections on remembering the Sabbatical this month.

When July 1 rolled around this year I discovered a strong sense of melancholy also arrived with the turning of the calendar page. I began remembering exactly where I was and what I was doing one year ago: Paul and I had just arrived in Minnesota; Paul and I were entering the Boundary Waters via canoe; there were no fire-works on the Fourth of July last year as Paul and I were deep in the north woods, far away from civilization. That experience has continued almost all month. In fact, other people have joined me in remembering. My daughter-in-law, Erika, commented last night that I have set a precedent now, two years in a row in Chicago visiting them in July. There are now expectations that I will return to Chicago again in July now that the precedent is set! It was also noted shortly after we arrived this year that last year at this time we had actually just left Chicago to head to St. Louis. I was also very aware on my father's birthday this year, July 19, that last year we were in St. Louis just a few days before his birthday to celebrate with him and this year he is no longer with us, having died in February.

There was another incident earlier in the month that evoked a slightly different take on this nostalgia. Early in July one Saturday morning, in fact I believe it was the Fourth, I made my morning walk to the bay and upon arrival was greeted by several folks embarking from the landing area for a day of fishing from kayaks. As I stood on the landing watching two of the kayaks paddle off toward the bay into the rising sun it seemed to me they were in the wrong place. They should have been paddling away from the Sawbill Landing heading out into a wilderness adventure in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness in northern Minnesota!

There is no memory I can recall of ever having experienced this same sort of nostalgia so strongly as I am experiencing right now around my Sabbatical experience of one year ago. Will this be prominent in my thoughts and feelings for the next three months? Will I in essence relive the Sabbatical in some form this year? And what about in the years to come? Will I have some of these same thoughts and feelings every year during July, August, September and October? Vivid memories are a common part of my life. But never do I recall this strong recollection of where I was and what I was doing at the same time one year ago as I am experiencing with the Sabbatical. Perhaps this is another indication of what a once-in-a-lifetime, life-changing, foundational experience was my adventure of last year.

(The pictures are from the time in the Boundary Waters last year. Just a chance to share more of my thousands of photos with you and to share some of my nostalgia.)

The Difficulty of Learning the Sabbath Tango

Here it is July 22, 2009, and I am making my first post for the month! Last year, even with six days in the wilderness of Northern Minnesota, I already had several posts by this time. In fact, by the 22nd of July, 2008, I was on my way back to Miami after the first three weeks of my Sabbatical feeling very refreshed, relaxed and ready for my South American adventure! This July 22 I am finishing up my one-week vacation, enjoying a final full day in Chicago, and wondering where the vacation time went to so fast?!? One-week of vacation is not nearly enough time off to accomplish what a vacation needs to do in terms of restoring the body, mind and soul. For example, I am just now getting over a cold that is trying to become bronchitis. This hit me two days ago, about half-way through the vacation. It took my body 4 days to realize it was on vacation before it could consider whether it wanted to get sick for vacation or not! It took my mind a good three days to realize it was on vacation before it began to shift into relaxation mode. It has taken my spirit about six days to realize it was on vacation to where I was ready to begin engaging in spirit-renewing activities, such as writing in my journal, or my blog, and reading a book just for fun! Of course, I return to Miami tomorrow and back to work on Friday, so body will have had about 4 days of vacation, 2-3 of them fighting illness; my mind will have had about 5 days of vacation, also 2-3 days of that clouded by my body's illness; and my spirit will have had about 2 days of vacation.

And that is how most of my time off this year is shaping up. We had this week in Chicago to celebrate my wife Dianne's birthday (and we had a wonderful time with our family in Chicago, Jim, Erika, and granddaughters, Madeleine & Shelby.) I will next take a 4.5 days early in August to drive with my daughter,Rebekah, to Pennsylvania to help her get settled in her apartment for Law School which begins later that month. Then, after returning to Miami, a week later I will fly with my son, Paul, out to Salt Lake City, Utah, to help him get settled in Westminster College for his freshman year. I will take about 8 days to make that trip, and the last two days will probably be alone time for me as it appears that the orientation schedule does not include parents on Monday or Tuesday. (That is fine with me, at least I will get a little bit of solo vacation out of the trip!) Then Dianne and I are planning to take a 10 day trip this September, probably to California. Perhaps that will be a long enough experience to bring full refreshment and renewal to my body, mind & soul?!

I am not really complaining, as much as I am bemoaning several realities. First, the fact that we expect too much out of too little far too often in our society. We expect a one or two week vacation to make up for the other 50 highly stressful, highly taxing, highly exhausting weeks we spend at work, at volunteer activities, at household chores, etc. We expect one-hour a week on Sunday mornings to renew our relationship with God and to restore our spiritual health to a balanced place to take us through the week. Our bodies, minds and spirits need regular renewal time and periodic intense, extended renewal time, for good health. It is the way we were created. Besides all the medical studies highlighting this truth, God's plan as detailed in the Bible also teaches us the same thing. God established the Sabbath at the very beginning creating the world: after six days of work, God rested. God knew when to take a break and God taught us that we need to do the same thing. Yet how infrequently do we really take a weekly Sabbath? If we are lucky enough any more to not work on Saturday or Sunday we almost always fill both days with chores and other high levels of activity. How often do we stop to ask ourselves if something we are planning to do will be renewing to our body, mind, spirit, or family relationships?

The other reality I find very sad is that there is so little acknowledgement of the importance of family and family relationships in the structure of our employment practices. I remember when the Family Leave Act was passed by Congress back in the '90's that mandated employers to allow mothers and fathers time off work for the birth or adoption of a baby. It was a major battle to get this law passed! Most employers do not allow for separate sick-leave days for caring for a family member: an employee must use their sick leave, which in most cases is pretty minimal for the year, especially when it must be divided between the employee and one or more dependents. Most employers do not allow for time off for attending to other family care situations: like attending graduations, taking children off to college, etc. To do such a parent must use vacation time. Now I realize there might always be people who would abuse some benefit, but I also realize that we as a society are extremely driven to succeed at all costs, especially when it comes to turning a profit. We have very little humane and compassionate practices in our economic, business, and social relationships. And the church gets sucked right into the same attitudes and practices. This is very sad.

But I am thankful for a caring and understanding congregation of people who, while they expect a lot out of their pastor and like for him to be available 24/7/365, still realize he is a human being who needs time away for renewal and refreshment. They are fairly flexible and as long as I am there at the critical moments, for the most part they allow me space and encourage me to find Sabbath Time so that I can be healthy, whole, and a better person and pastor. Finding such is part of the difficult dance known as Sabbath Tango. As I learned in Argentina one does not pick-up the Tango, and definitely not master it, in just a few lessons. It takes years of practice. Even so with the Sabbath Tango.

(The pictures include: A brown bear cooling himself at the Brookfield Zoo, he definitely seems to have a better handle on the Sabbath Tango than I do; Dianne & I with our children preparing to go out to celebrate her birthday with a fabulous dinner; a view of the Chicago River from the boat tour we enjoyed; a photo of me & Dianne and taking a photo of ourselves and the Chicago skyline in the Cloud Gate in Millenium Park; and a photo of Dianne, Rebekah & Paul at the sign for Millenium Park.)

Final Sabbatical Event a Celebration

Argentina has been making a big splash in the news recently, but it was not Governor Sanford's mistress or the parliamentary elections which captured our focus at Christ Congregational Church this past weekend. No, we gathered as a congregation to celebrate the marvelous gift of renewal pastor & congregation experienced this past year with an Argentinean dinner, surrounded by the sights and sounds of Argentina in our Fellowship Hall. With some photo posters decorating the walls bringing Buenos Aires, Bariloche, and Machu Picchu to life, about 40 members and friends of the church gathered to enjoy las comidas de Argentina, prepared by Tango's Restaurant & Bakery. Typical fare such as Ensalada Rusa (potato salad w/peas & carrots), Chorizos, Entrana ala Verdeo (grilled churrasco steak with a Chardonnay scallion sauce), Gnocchi Alfredo and a variety of mini desserts, was enjoyed by all with the Tango music of Carlos Gardel serenading in the background.

After dinner I shared some final reflections on the Sabbatical experience for myself as Pastor, with a montage of photos from Argentina and Peru projected in the background. Those reflections were drawn primarily from this blog, so I will just summarize them in this post. I began by reminiscing on the dreamlike quality of the adventure of twelve weeks in South America, seventeen weeks of not working, learning Spanish as an alien in distant lands. The primary blessing I would identify of the Sabbatical was the time for reflection on my life, on the world, on my work life and on my call to ministry. That has especially become clear to me eight months removed from the experience. It is so difficult to claim time in my regular schedule for simply sitting and reflecting on life and the world. For a pastor that is especially sad. Historically, reflection time has been a major element of the pastoral role and a significant part of why we are given the privilege of financial support by a community for this ministry. Without ample reflection time it becomes increasingly difficult to adequately feed the people of the community through sermons and writings.

In addition to ample time for reflection, I summarized my learning on the sabbatical in five areas:

1. The basics of the Spanish language. Difficult as it has been to maintain the level of fluency I developed in Argentina, I did learn the basic structure of the language, the basic verb tenses and conjugations, and a basic vocabulary on which I can build. I know I will continue to grow in my ability to use Spanish and I see evidence of it, albeit baby steps, every day.

2. How much I love to travel and how much it nurtures my soul. I have already reflected on this in another part of the blog, but it is clear to me that I need to continue to seek ways and means to incorporate significant travel experiences into my life. It is one of the most renewing experiences possible for me.

3. A renewed sense of what is truly important for me. First: my family. Second: Paying attention to and nurturing quality relationships with people. That includes my family, but also those to whom I minister as pastor. Third: Nurturing time for reflection about life. Fourth: Importance of developing outside interests beyond my work as pastor.

4. The importance of maintaining a flexible and creative approach to life, relationships, and spirituality. When we are rigid in our desire to seek control of life, we are less able to go with the flow. As a result, life becomes more of a burden and less enjoyable. When we can adapt with some flexibility to whatever situations arise in our lives, then we can find the good, even in the bad, and we can continue to see the beauty and blessings in life all around us.

5. The importance of trusting myself and others to accomplish what needs to be done. We completed the Sabbatical Grant Application within three months time. I planned my time away within a year. I went away and the congregation did not fall apart. In fact, it thrived. I return from the Sabbatical with a new freedom to be Pastor in this place in a new way. I am taking clear steps to take on less responsibility, to trust others to assume more responsibility, to support, encourage, and assist them in that process. The result will be, I am sure, a stronger church community more completely living out its call to be the body of Christ, the people of God in this place. It will also lead to a healthier, more renewed, and better pastor, who will find the time for reflection and be better able to inspire and guide the people of God.

On Saturday, with the assistance of the Rev. Dr. John Manrodt from the Counseling Ministry of South Florida, about 22 people returned to spend time reflecting on what the sabbatical experience was like for them as a congregation. After some creative exercises to help stimulate that thinking and sharing, we spent some time looking toward the future and what it means for us as a church and pastor that we have had this experience. Some positive plans began to grow out of those discussions and everyone seemed to leave with excitement and a forward thinking approach to the future of Christ Congregational Church.

While this weekend will probably be the final planned event related to the Sabbatical, the experience of planning for, living the adventure, and re-engaging life and ministry afterwards, will continue to have an impact and influence for years to come. It was a marvelous gift. For me from the people of Christ Congregational Church in terms of their support and their allowing me the time to pursue. For all of us from the people of the Lily Foundation who made it possible financially with their generous Clergy Renewal Grant.

The adventure continues, though not in South America, but right here in Miami and I look forward to continuing to reflect upon Sabbath and sabbatical concerns, especially the dance between Sabbath time and regular time, the Sabbath Tango.

A Celebration 18 Years in the Making!

My son is graduating from High School tomorrow! Eighteen years ago when I held him in my arms at his birth this moment seemed an eternity away. Over the years there were even some periods in our struggles with him around his studies and his attentiveness to school where we wondered if he would actually make it to this moment. But despite all our worries and fears he has arrived and arrived in very good shape. He has matured, taking giant steps forward this past year, into a fascinating, creative, deep-thinking young man. He is finding his talents and calling in life (not that it is necessarily settled yet, but he does have a direction to his journey that he is walking with some intentionality) which he is embracing, even as he continues to remain open to exploring more areas of possible interest and creative expression. He is enrolled in the college of his choice, which also luckily chose him, and with a final summer of freedom before him, is actually quite ready, even anxious, to be finished with high school and ready to move on to the adventure that awaits him in college.

And so I am sitting in a hotel room in Melbourne, Florida, at midnight, having enjoyed an evening of celebration with my son, his mother and step-mother, his sister, one uncle, and sister's boyfriend and wondering how did I get here and where did the years go so quickly?!?! I don't really "feel" old, yet my daughter has been out of college for one year and is headed off to law school in August and my son is graduating high school and flying off to college out west this year as well. Eighteen years have literally flown by, when viewed from this end of the chronological spectrum. This is one powerful reason why sabbath time, time-off, and time to relish and reflect on life is so important to me. Because it all passes so quickly. Especially when one is caught up in the myriad duties of working, pastoring a church, living life. Yet, in spite of a recent sabbatical to help regain my focus on time-off and reflective time, I still struggle to incorporate into my schedule time to write, time to reflect, time to just be.

At the same time, as I do reflect on my life, it is very good. I am engaged in very meaningful ministry at both the church I pastor and through part-time, on-call chaplain work for VITAS Hospice. I live in a beautiful place, South Florida, with near ideal weather 90% of the year. I play golf once a week, walk several times a week, encounter a wide variety of wildlife (amazing since I live in an urban area). I am surrounded by very loving, accepting family and wonderfully supportive, even if at times a bit challenging, church members. My life is rich and for the most part enjoyable and meaningful. Perhaps I need to take a step-back from, a sabbath break from, my expectations about sabbath time and reflection time, and relish the time I have to enjoy the life with which I have been blessed? Perhaps my reflection time is quality enough if I find the moments to think about life and appreciate life, even if I don't write those reflections down anywhere? Perhaps my occasional posts on this blog, my sporadic entries in my journal, are satisfactory reflection times for the time being and when I need to engage in more frequent writings, I will find the time, I will make the time, God will bless me with the opportunity, through another sabbatical, another vacation, another period of intentionality?

But for right now, I am relishing and wallowing in the celebration of my son, my youngest child, graduating from High School! Way to go, Paul!!

Holy Week Sabbatical

Holy Week has always been a time of Sabbatical for me. Especially the days from Thursday through Easter. I know it sounds crazy for a pastor to make such a statement. After all, aren't these days the busiest days of the church year?!? And yet, I have always tried to slow them down, and allow them to be all about the worship events. As much as possible I have refused to schedule weddings on Easter weekend; I have refrained from visiting folks, unless they land in the hospital or have a real crisis in their life at the moment; I have kept all meetings off the calendar. It has not been particularly hard to do these things, as most people in the church are pretty focused on the holiday, or Spring Break from school, and engaged in family activities more than church activities (except the worship.) So even though there is work for me in terms of getting ready for the various worship experiences, several sermons or meditations to write, liturgies to plan, and all the myriad details of making sure all the candles, sound systems, etc. are set properly, there is a sense of Sabbatical time to all of it for me. For instance, I myself prepare the Fellowship Hall for the Maundy Thursday celebration. I recreate, [somewhat, with the help of a member who owns an Import store with merchandise from Morocco] an "Upper Room" atmosphere. We set up a station for washing feet in the center of the room on a Turkish rug, with basins and pitchers and grass baskets, etc. I surround that with the round dining tables and spread around the room lots of candles. It creates a very effective mood for the worship. All this set-up takes me about 2 hours, but I approach it with a sense of spiritual practice, a form of service to the people coming and to God. It is a time to reflect upon the coming worship, even to identify with those disciples Jesus sent on ahead to prepare the room for the supper that last night before his death.

All the preparation for the events of this weekend provide the same sort of reflective time for me. In a very real way time slows down and I somewhat glide through these three days into the Easter celebration. I am able to prepare what I need to do with moments of reflection along the way and without stressing over getting everything done. It is nice to be able to find such a rhythm of reflection in the midst of my regular work (although holiday times are hardly "regular"). I wish there were a way to incorporate such a relaxed, less-stressed out rhythm into my regular work schedule.

A Birthday Gift to Myself

It was a type of "mini-sabbatical" today. Since it was my birthday I decided to take most of the day "off" from work. An additional round of golf for the week was my gift to myself. About 9 a.m. I called my regular golf partner, Frank, to see what he was doing for the day, and then we spontaneously visited a course we have played before, but not our regular course. The day was beautiful, bright blue skies, with clouds floating by in lazy fashion. It is a slightly easier course than we normally play, but even so, Frank shot one of his best rounds in a long time, an 81! I told him it was my "gift" to him (to let him beat me on my birthday! I shot an 87, still pretty good.) Being in a good mood after that, Frank bought me lunch at his favorite French Cafe. We enjoyed Prosciutto d'Amore on ciabbata bread sandwiches, and French coffee! Nice, relaxing morning! After getting cleaned up I then spent a little time in the afternoon engaging in pastoral care work, visiting some of my parishioners who live at East Ridge Retirement Village. I know you are not supposed to work on a "sabbatical," but I have been needing to see some of these folks for quite some time and they were very pleased to see me. Pastoral care, especially of this sort, is actually very enjoyable and even somewhat relaxing for me, sort of like visiting good friends. Especially since the conversations for these folks include some sharing of my life and of events and activities at the church, as a way of sharing news and connecting them with the wider world, as well as listening to them share about their lives, their families and friends, etc.

These sorts of days need to be a regular part of all of our lives. I know they are difficult for me to take and enjoy, as I am very responsible and very driven in terms of how much work I am aware is always needing my attention and energy. Yet I also know that God's design for humanity and the creation includes a regular sabbath every seventh day. While I am pretty good about taking my day off each week, there needs to be regular special days of rest, reflection, meditation, in my schedule for me to be re-energized and for me to do more than just the regular work that is part of a pastor's schedule. More and more that work has become task oriented and less and less the work of one who reflects on life and seeks the deeper theological insights into life.

But today was a day to reclaim some of that ability. It was a day for me. It was a day for sharing with family and friends. It was a day for thinking about life and for blogging. Now if I can just claim a day like this sooner than a year from now when my birthday rolls around again. Then I will be making real progress on implementing a learning from my sabbatical!