Some final thoughts on/in 2009!

Happy New Year! It is 11:00 p.m. on December 31, 2009. I have done a lousy job of regular postings on this blog this past fall. My last post, "A New Commitment to Sabbath Time" talked about a plan for incorporating mini-retreats into my monthly schedule. I did achieve that to some extent: I had a trip to Orlando in November for the Florida Conference Board of Directors' meeting. I had some great reflection time in the car on the drive to Orlando and actually composed some blog posts in my mind, but then never made the time to sit down and actually commitment them to computer and post on the blog!!!! Then I had a nice weekend off for my annual immersion in NASCAR during the final Sprint Cup race in Homestead, Florida. That has developed into a very enjoyable, mindless, ritual event for me. It started as a means to better connect with my son who was a temporary NASCAR fan when in elementary school, because his best friend was a fan. Eventually Paul grew out of that interest, which was never very deep, but I had become hooked. Unfortunately, the weekend is all focused on watching the cars drive the track and there is not much reflection or meditation time. It is not an experience that requires a lot of mental activity, but it does require focus, even if somewhat mindless. Still, I have grown to enjoy it and look forward to it every year. Over Thanksgiving I enjoyed a long weekend, with a trip to Naples to have Turkey Dinner with my father-in-law. You may remember from the last post that during the trip to Naples in October I actually developed a deeper appreciation for the view from his patio as a place to meditate, reflect and blog. But that didn't develop this time in November, or on our trip over on Christmas Day. Both trips were nice and relaxing in terms of providing a break from the regular hectic schedule of daily work life. The first weekend of December also provided a break of sorts. Dianne and I traveled to Melbourne/Palm Bay to join with the Riviera UCC folks in celebrating 120 years of ministry to those two communities. This was the church I served for 9 years upon first coming to Florida when it was located in downtown Melbourne. I had very little responsibility for the weekend, just reading scripture in worship on Sunday, and enjoying their celebration banquet, greeting and visiting with old friends, on Saturday evening. It was a nice break from the regular Advent routine. This past week was nice and slow and I had a good visit with my two children, even if too brief with my son. He and his sister arrived the day after Christmas, along with Dianne's daughter, her family, and Di's brother and family for a very full day of family Christmas. Then there was worship on Sunday. But we did get to the movies twice as a family, enjoyed several videos and one game of cards, and several good dinners. Now he has gone back to Palm Bay for three days before flying back to Utah for the start of the next semester at college. His sister is returning here tomorrow for a few more days with us, along with one of her new law school buddies who needed a Florida sunshine break from the Pennsylvania winter.

The only problem with all those breaks these past two months is they were actually too many. The result was even more stress and pressure during the regular weeks of work, as all my regular work commitments had to be completed in the remaining time each month. While I really enjoyed the down time and the change of schedule, what I learn from this experience is the need for balance: I need some down time for reflection and meditation, but not too much, unless it is a large block of time taken all at once, like a week or two of vacation, or a longer retreat or continuing education event. I also need to make sure and incorporate at least a brief period for reflecting and writing those reflections so that the time takes on more depth and, especially when I do have a meaningful reflection like I did several times on some of the long drives, I don't lose those thoughts to the ether.

Anyway, while I missed November with a post, here is one for December, a final one for 2009, and I am saving some thoughts for tomorrow morning and hopefully my first post for 2010. Happy New Year!

A New Commitment to Sabbath Time

The sky was bright blue. There was a gentle breeze blowing off the Gulf of Mexico, which was shimmering invitingly beyond the mangroves & Australian pines. Sitting on my father-in-law’s fifth floor balcony in Naples on Wednesday morning, October 22, working on my submissions for the church newsletter, I wished that was my office setting all the time. I would really enjoy working in such a relaxed setting with such a beautiful, inspiring view.

Later that day Dianne and I then drove north to Clearwater Beach and set up shop on the ninth floor of the Hilton, with a balcony facing north presenting a view of Clearwater Bay and the condos, homes and palm trees of this sleepy little island to the east, and of the beach and the Gulf of Mexico to the west. While this was been a working trip for Dianne who went there to conduct the wedding of the youngest child of a life-long friend she has known since they were both 10 years old, for me it was another form of Sabbath retreat. Yes, I did engage in some work activities: finishing up my newsletter submissions as I previously mentioned, answering emails from parishioners and colleagues, scheduling a substitute preacher for an upcoming Sunday, participating in a conference call meeting of a committee of the Florida Conference UCC, and doing some reading as research for Sunday’s sermon. Even so, there was a much more relaxed rhythm to my days, with work slipped into the seams and edges of the day, while there were also many renewing and regenerating activities composing the bulk of my activity. Each day included a 75 minute walk on the beach (twice at sunrise, once in the middle of the day). I read the New York Times from front page to back every day (a much more complete, comprehensive, and interesting newspaper than my hometown Miami Herald). All three meals every day were relaxed times with Dianne, without a TV and with good conversation. I even enjoyed a little bit of pleasure reading, starting the Pat Conroy novel, South of Broad.

Early in my career as a pastor I read somewhere the suggestion that a pastor ought to schedule a monthly retreat for the purpose of self-renewal, spiritual regeneration and growth. I never felt I could afford to do that every month. I have always been very faithful about observing and keeping my day off each week (of course most people in the work force in the US get two days off, but clergy never seem entitled to that perk). I have also, occasionally, tried to schedule a quarterly retreat, a few days away from my ministry setting, usually at a retreat house. But I have never established even that as a regular pattern. But since my Sabbatical, when I learned how truly renewing time away from the regular schedule of responsibilities, activities, and expectations can be, this past year I have been reflecting more upon the nature of Sabbath as time away. As I look back at the year, especially through these blog posts, I realize I have had some sort of time away almost every month. Some of it has been around family concerns; my father’s failing health and then death, my children going off to law school and college, attending this wedding to support Dianne. Some of it has been more related to work; attending the Florida Conference Annual Meeting and staying over an extra day to enjoy Daytona Beach with my wife. And some has been family vacation time; our trip to Chicago to celebrate Dianne’s birthday with family, our quick trip to Savannah in September.

The result has been a more relaxed pastor during the more common active periods of ministry. I have been able to go about my work with greater energy, a better balanced sense of priorities and perspective, and a fresher capability for creativity. This past year this schedule evolved more by accident than by planning. Having a better understanding of the benefit such a schedule provides, however, leads me to the decision that I want to commit to such a schedule in the future. Toward that end I plan to take a mini-retreat each month this next year. If I will be away during the month for Conference related business or vacation time, I will dedicate a part of that time away to some intentional Sabbath time of reflection and renewal. If such time does not present itself in a month, I will take a 2-3 day mini-retreat during one week of the month and get away from my home, my regular routine, and set aside the time to spend in intentional prayer and reflection on life and my ministry. Such a schedule should provide great benefit to me and to my ministry, and possibly ensure a longer tenure with renewed energy and a healthier attitude and outlook. Stay tuned for more updates on the Sabbath Tango experiment!

Sabbath Tango is a Difficult Dance

I am really struggling to keep posting to this blog. I had set myself a goal of having at least one post each month this year, and here it is almost to the end of September before I am adding something for this month. The month almost slipped by without a post, and I even had 10 days off from work for vacation time with Dianne this month! I must say, it was a very mixed bag as far as vacation time goes. We had to begin the time with a trip to Naples, FL to check on her father who is having some health issues and then we had to end the time with another trip to Naples the last two days to check up on him again. Thankfully, the two trips resulted in good news from the doctors visited, so they were certainly worthwhile and necessary.

Sandwiched between these two trips to Naples was a quick trip to Savannah, GA, which is apparently becoming our new "favorite" southern city. (Sorry Charleston, you are being edged out by your neighbor to the south!) Savannah is a lovely, old south city filled with charm, story, restored 150 year-old houses and other architectural structures, lovely shaded squares, and very gracious hospitality. It also has a beach on Tybee Island (which Charleston has, too) which is very necessary for us as both of us worry we will dry up and wither away if we are ever removed too far from an ocean for too long! We had a very nice time in Savannah. The B & B where we stayed was lovely and very comfortable. The hosts were most attentive and prepared very delicious & filling breakfasts. We had some exquisite meals, very delicious and at least one, very gourmet! We enjoyed some jazz and some street artists.

It was a very enjoyable 4 days. But it did not have the feel of "sabbath" time. Why was that? It was vacation. It was a break from my regular routine. But it was not that special, step aside and live life at a different pace, time. It was somewhat diminished by the fact that I had not completed the work I needed to finish before leaving by Sunday, and so a big chunk of Monday and Tuesday, when I was in Naples, and then back in Miami before leaving for Savannah, was spent working on articles for the Church newsletter. I think it was also kept from being Sabbath time because of the time spent attending to my father-in-law's medical needs. (That was important time and necessary for us to pay attention to, but it was not sabbath time.) And then, for some reason, we filled the time in Savannah to the brim with activity: visiting Fort Pulaski (which was very interesting); visiting the Tybee light house; visiting Bonaventure Cemetery; visiting antique dealers and old houses, including the Mercer-Williams house, which was made famous by Johnny Mercer, whose great-grandfather began building the house before the Civil War, did not finish the house after the war, sold it to someone else, and no other Mercer, including Johnny, ever lived in the house! Everything we did was interesting. But in the short time we were there it felt like we filled the time too much with activity and not enough with laid-back, down-time, with no activity except perhaps to read, enjoy the gardens of the B & B, maybe even sleep some extra time.

What I would conclude is Sabbath Time is hard to find. We do not live in a world that encourages or nurtures sabbath time activities. Even our regular Sabbath Days, (Saturday for the Jews and Seventh-Day Adventists and Sunday for Christians) are filled with activity. For most of us, finding even an hour on Sabbath Day to gather with others for worship is often difficult. And forget about trying to find sabbath time during the rest of the week. Unless you have been laid-off, downsized, or had your hours cut-back, because of the bad economy, you are not working a 40 hour week, you are working a 50 or 60 hour week, often spread over 6 days instead of 5. On top of that you are needing to spend many hours attending to chores and tasks at home. So actually finding time for rest, relaxation, meditation, worship, just being and enjoying creation, it very, very difficult. It is most certainly a dance. As "Dancing with the Stars" has demonstrated for all America, to master a dance takes hard, hard work, time, and dedication. We keep wanting sabbath time to just "materialize" and when it doesn't, we don't seem to know how to advocate for our right to it and are afraid to proclaim how important it is. I wish I had an answer, but instead, as my minimal posts illustrate, it is a difficult tango for me to master as well.

Enjoy the pictures above of Savannah. It is a lovely city. And I encourage you to keep practicing your sabbath tango, as I promise to keep trying to do as well!

Walking Up & Down Memory Lane at 8,000 feet

Walking 1.8 miles uphill, achieving an elevation change of 1,040 feet in that distance, at altitudes of 7,500 to 8,500 feet just about did in the lungs of this sea level fellow! Today I walked up & down memory lane, basking in nostalgia, as I did the above in Mill Creek Canyon. This canyon has always been my canyon of choice. It is the closest canyon to Westminster College, in the Wasatch Mountains. Within 15 minutes I was traveling up the canyon from the eastern shelf of the Salt Lake Valley, moving from below 5,000 feet to over 7,000 feet in my car (I pitied the poor fools trying to make the climb on their bicycles!) The only hitch in the day was the fact that the first half of my hike took place in a steady, light rain shower. It was hard enough though to require me putting on my jacket (as much due to the cooler temps from the rain and altitude) and to carrying my umbrella, since I was concerned for my camera in my "supposedly" rain-resistant backpack. (Camera survived fine. Backpack is a good one.) I am sure I was quite a sight in my black tennis shoes, white socks, tan shorts, black jacket, backpack, and black umbrella! Oh well, everything stayed relatively dry and it did make it a little more enjoyable!

After surviving the climb in the rain, I was blessed by the rain stopping and the sky clearing to blue on my descent. Along the way I took lots of pictures of mountains, trees (both pines and aspens), tons of wildflowers, a squirrel who was quite agitated by my presence, and the stream that runs down the canyon alongside the trail. After descending and enjoying lunch in a picnic area, I took some photos of the Salt Lake Valley from the mouth of the canyon, which afforded a wonderful panoramic view from high on the eastern shelf.

Mill Creek Canyon was where I spent most of my hiking and canyon time when I attended Westminster College. One winter a friend and I attempted to snowshoe, on rented, plastic snowshoes, in this canyon and struggled through 10 feet or more of snow. Not very successful. Another friend and I did some low level rock climbing in this canyon, and I took at least one or two girls up the canyon for some romantic hikes. (I also took my wife, Dianne, up this same trail to Dog Lake 14 years ago when we visited Salt Lake City on our "Grand Western Loop" via car.) I remember visiting the trail heads one June and it was snowing at that altitude! It was a wonderful way to end my "Sabbath Time" visit to Salt Lake City. Paul is ensconced in Westminster College. I have enjoyed a deep draft from the well of Zion (as the Mormons call it), a locale I dearly love. My body is tired, but my spirit is refreshed. I am ready to return to Miami!

The photos are from my hike!

An Ode to Salt Lake Valley

I am so JEALOUS of my son! The Salt Lake valley is such a truly beautiful place to live and he will have the opportunity to live here for the next four years as he studies at Westminster College. Yesterday I said good-bye to him, probably for four months, until Christmas time. He is ready for this adventure. He has matured before my eyes, even in these past two days as I observed him begin to settle in to his new home, meet new people, take in all the rules, regulations, and information of orientation. He is becoming a man, and one whom I am proud to say is my son. It was a difficult moment to say good-bye and hug him for the last time for quite a while. I will miss him a lot. In the past four years, as his sister had gone off to college and begun building her adult life, he and I have had the gift of significant time together, traveling together just the two of us, enjoying movies together, getting much better acquainted. Now he is embarked on his own adventure. I have done what I can as his father. I have brought him as far as I can. Now I begin to move into a more supportive role from the wings of the stage. Center stage in this drama now belongs to him. He is ready and I know he will grasp the role and perform marvelously.

As to my jealousy: it has nothing to do with his going to college. I do not wish to repeat those years (although the two years I spent at Westminster were two wonderful, marvelous, exciting and happy years in my life. I cannot say they were the best years, as I have had many other wonderful years in other places, too. But they certainly rank in the top five time periods of my life.) No, my jealousy relates to this place, the Salt Lake Valley. Since the day I first laid eyes on it (which was the day I arrived with my parents when they brought me out to begin my stay at Westminster. I had not seen or visited the campus before that day, having applied and enrolled without ever having visited!) I have been in love with this place and believe it to be one of the most beautiful homes in the mountains anywhere. (I must admit, having lived for two weeks last September, winter in Argentina, in San Carlos de Bariloche in the Argentinean Andes, that place gives Salt Lake Valley a run for its money.)

What makes this place so beautiful? It is surrounded by mountains which can be viewed from almost any spot in the valley. Unlike Denver, where the mountains are not even visible from the majority of the city, the Wasatch Mountains loom over the city on the east, and to the west of the valley there is another range of mountains, both of which seem to converge together (even though they really don't meet) to the south. The only open space is to the northwest end of the valley where the Great Salt Lake is found. In addition, the Salt Lake Valley is high desert, which means the climate if very dry. Thus the sky is usually bright blue with a burning sun, even for most of the winter. The snow is very powder-y, very light and fluffy due to the low moisture content. And all the temperatures, weather the 95-100 degree heat of summer or the 30-40 degrees of winter, due to the low humidity, is much more bearable and less oppressive than the temps in more humid regions. Finally, Salt Lake City itself is a beautiful, clean, well maintained city, with wide streets (designed originally so that a team of four oxen, pulling a cart, could make a u-turn without any problems), lots of trees, and even though it is an urban area, maintains a small-town feel.

In my 24 years of living on the coast of Florida I must truly admit that I have sand between my toes, I love the 12 months of summer we enjoy in Miami, and I love living there. I really do not want to live full time anywhere else. But sitting in the Chinese restaurant tonight, enjoying my Moo Shoo Pork, all the while staring out the window at the imposing peaks of the Wasatch Mountains, my heart felt fulfilled and at home. Someday I would truly like to return to this city and spend 3-4 months living here and enjoying the view, the outdoor recreational opportunities, the parks, the cultural events, and fully soak in what has always been one of my favorite spots on earth.

The pictures above include some shots of Westminster College campus where Paul is now living and going to college, as well as some views of the mountains which contribute to the lure and beauty of this place.

A Sacred Time of Transition

A low, gray, overcast sky has greeted us on the final day of Orientation at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, Utah. Since Paul and I landed 4 days ago the weather has been hot with bright blue, cloudless skies every day. Somehow this weather today feels appropriate for a day of saying goodbye to my son as all the other parents will be doing as well. I do wonder what they will be doing about the "Regional Brunches" which are to be held outside on the lawn in front of the library?

Yesterday was a day of moving in, settling in his dorm room, meeting his roommate, checking out the college job fair to sign-up for possible work-study jobs, gathering information about the activities and life on the Westminster campus, hearing presentations from various administrative staff, and meeting and greeting various faculty. It was a day clearly designed to help students and parents transition to college life and to begin the process of separation for the parents and integration into the Westminster community for the students.

A beautiful and very inspirational event was the Convocation held late in the afternoon in the Field House. Families and friends were seated in the bleachers, with seats arranged on the main floor for the students and faculty. The sound of bagpipes announced the opening processional as the Utah Pipers Band led in the faculty, wearing their colorful academic regalia, who formed two lines to create a welcoming corridor for the new students to pass through upon entering. It had much of the pomp and circumstance of a graduation and was another clear indication of the benefits of attending a smaller college, where this sort of ritual and ceremony is still an important part of the life of the college community. Listening to the various speeches it became clear to me again of the strength of this college. Though small and relatively unknown, Westminster has a clear vision and educational philosophy which is strongly grounded in a collaborative learning model that approaches the students not just as receptacles of knowledge, but talented, intelligent, capable participants in creating a learning environment. Westminster is clearly about forming scholars and shaping thinkers for leadership and participation in the world. I remembered why I treasured my time and education at Westminster so much, and became further convinced that this was an excellent choice for Paul to make for his college education. I know deep in my heart he is going to thrive in this environment.

While I spoke in an earlier post about taking children off to college as another type of sabbatical experience, it is not typical sabbath time at all. It is a very busy time: helping both of my children settle into their new homes was extremely time consuming. It is also a very emotional time, perhaps more so for me this year because both Paul and Rebekah are living outside the state of Florida for the first time since they were born. Even so, it is a time filled with reflection. It is a different time than normal daily life. It is a time for marking passages in their lives, in my life, in our family life. It is a truly sacred time.

The pictures above include Paul settling into his dormitory room, participating in the convocation, and a sample of the view he will enjoy for the next four years, the Wasatch Mountains which are omnipresent as they loom over the Salt Lake Valley in the east.

Taking Paul to College

Crickets & cicadas serenaded us all night long. Walking around Liberty Park this morning I watched the sunrise over the Wasatch Mountains. Most of the yards in this quiet neighborhood have beautiful wildflowers growing. There is definitely a small town feel to this city. Yes, we are no longer in Miami! Yesterday, after five hours of flying time, with a stopover in Dallas, Texas added in, Paul and I arrived in Salt Lake City, Utah where he will be living for the next four years as a student at Westminster College.

It is wonderful to be back in Salt Lake City. The two years I spent here as a student at Westminster back in the mid-1970's were some glorious, fun, stimulating, challenging and wonderful years. Breaking away from my roots in St. Louis, Missouri undoubtedly helped me to develop my traveling lifestyle that has taken me to Atlanta, GA; Elkhart, IN; Palm Bay and Miami, FL as places I have called home and to almost all of the 48 lower states, plus France, England, Italy, Israel, Argentina & Peru, as places I have visited. In my heart, I truly believe this experience at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, so far from home in Florida where he has lived for his first 18 years of life, will bring similar possibilities into Paul's life.

When we touched down in Salt Lake City yesterday my stomach suddenly filled with butterflies. I don't fully understand it yet, whether I am excited for him, nervous for him, or what. I will explore those reflections in another post later this trip. For now we are off to set-up a bank account for Paul, purchase needed items for his dormitory room, and continue exploring his new home. The pictures with this post were taken at the Wildflowers B&B where we are staying. It is just three blocks from the campus and is run by two lovely women who provided a marvelous breakfast. Paul is framed by the Wasatch Mountains to the east (which is why they are washed out by the early morning sun), I am standing in front of the B&B, and the chickens live in this coop in the back yard (we have not had eggs for breakfast yet, but I'm betting we will!)

Another Type of Sabbath Experience - Taking Children Off to College!

For the past four days I have been embarked on another type of Sabbatical experience: accompanying my oldest, my daughter Rebekah, to Pennsylvania to help her settle into her new apartment. She has moved to Carlisle, PA and is enrolled in Dickinson Law School of Penn State University. My little girl is off on a new adventure, passing another milestone, and taking another giant step into adulthood. Is all this truly happening? Is she really becoming a Law School student, embarking on a graduate degree, in a far northern state? Where did the past 22 years go? I really am proud of her and so happy for the opportunity she has before her. I know she will do well and achieve amazing things. But as any parent who has experienced this knows, it is such a bittersweet time. Although I must admit, the past four days have been so busy - driving from Miami to PA in just over 24 hours, with a six hour stop to sleep and a two hour stop in IKEA, Baltimore, to purchase furniture (more on that adventure in a moment); several trips to WalMart and Target and another trip back to Baltimore IKEA to pick-up furniture and a variety of items one needs to set up house in a new location; hours spent assembling furniture; a little time today to explore the town and see where Bekah will be living and studying for the next three years - that I have had precious little time to sit and think and reflect and actually allow the grief feelings at this step to take hold of me. Perhaps tomorrow on the flight home, when she actually takes me to the airport and she makes another trip to Baltimore IKEA!

So, what is up with IKEA? Bekah was told by customer service when she called them weeks ago from Miami that they could deliver her furniture to her apartment in PA for a fee of $99 if she purchased it in the store. They also said if she did so before 3:00 p.m. they could deliver it that same day! So, we dashed to Baltimore from Miami, barely stopping to sleep, to arrive at IKEA before 3:00 p.m. on Monday (a highway construction delay topped off with an accident scene in the middle of it cost us about 30 minutes, but we still made 3:00 p.m. Hooray!) At the home delivery desk we learned they ONLY deliver to her region in PA on WEDNESDAY OR FRIDAY! So it would not have mattered when we arrived on Monday, the furniture would not arrive before Wednesday!!! Of course, the car was loaded to the gills so we could not take the furniture ourselves at that moment. She arranged for the delivery and we made our way to Carlisle, found her apartment (a ground floor in a nice row house), met her landlord, did the walk-thru, signed the lease, and unloaded the car. The next day we trekked back to IKEA in Baltimore (about a 90 minute trip) to pick-up the furniture ourselves. Upon arrival back in Carlisle we began assembling the furniture, starting with the bed. After getting the sideboards attached to the head & foot board we were ready for step 6, attaching the middle support beam. Could not find it! Momentarily panicked that we had messed up royally when we unpacked the bed frame at IKEA in order to fit it in the Hyundai Accent and thought we might have left the support beam in the box! After Bekah called IKEA we learned that no, we had not messed up, THEY DID! It seems this is one of the furniture pieces sold in multiple packages, and you must purchase each package and pay for them separately. On Monday when she purchased the furniture, one of the store employees went through the self-service section and pulled her furniture for her and placed it on the cart. So we had not gathered it ourselves and had no idea that there were three parts to the bed. The IKEA customer service employee's response when that was explained to him was, "Oh, sorry about that." Since we could not finish the bed without that piece, Bekah has been sleeping on her mattress on the floor inside the bed frame. Plus, she will now have to drive back to IKEA Baltimore on Thursday after taking me to the Harrisburg airport! IKEA is still her favorite store, for the merchandise! She loves their product. But it has slipped significantly in her eyes in terms of their Customer Service!

Aside from the furniture difficulties, we have had a wonderful time together. It has been marvelous to explore her new home town with her. Carlisle is a lovely, very old, small town in rural Pennsylvania. It sits in the shadows of the Allegheny mountains to the West and North of town, in a beautiful valley still filled with farmland. It is a town rich in history, having been founded before the Revolutionary War; having been visited by George Washington who used it as a staging area to assist in quelling the Whiskey Rebellion in western PA; playing a significant role in the Civil War campaign decided at Gettysburg (which lies just about 20 miles to the South.) Dickinson College was founded in 1783 by Benjamin Rush, one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, and the Law School founded about 50 years later in the early 1800's.

While the time with Bekah has been packed full of activity, it has also been a rewarding time for me, having this final, father/daughter time with her. I don't know if we shall ever have time like this again, or if so, how soon. She is just about all grown up. In three years she will be a law school graduate and quite possibly on her way to being married. She will undoubtedly end up with a very busy, very demanding law position and will have less and less time for her father. I am not crying poor me, I know this and I really do want this for her. She is pursuing a dream she has had since she was in elementary school and she first declared at the dinner table she was going to be a lawyer and a Supreme Court Justice. I am totally confident she will achieve those dreams. I am just extremely pragmatic and realize the road to those dreams will involve me less and less. Which makes me extremely grateful for any special time I receive with her, such as these past four days. It has truly been a blessing and I am so glad I was able to enjoy this first step in her adventure with her.

Next week I get to accompany Paul as he begins his own adventure: first year of college at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, Utah! Check back in a week for further reflections as my new Sabbatical experience doubles with my second child leaving home for schooling outside the state of Florida!

The pictures above are samples of Rebekah's new life in PA!

The Power of Memory: Remembering & Reliving the Sabbatical

While on a roll, I want to post something other than a complaint-based rant. There have actually been a number of experiences and reflections I have enjoyed this month, related to my Sabbatical of last year, that I just never found the time to sit down and write about on my blog. (That is part of the source of the complaint-based rant.) So, today, my last day of vacation in Chicago, I want to share some reflections on remembering the Sabbatical this month.

When July 1 rolled around this year I discovered a strong sense of melancholy also arrived with the turning of the calendar page. I began remembering exactly where I was and what I was doing one year ago: Paul and I had just arrived in Minnesota; Paul and I were entering the Boundary Waters via canoe; there were no fire-works on the Fourth of July last year as Paul and I were deep in the north woods, far away from civilization. That experience has continued almost all month. In fact, other people have joined me in remembering. My daughter-in-law, Erika, commented last night that I have set a precedent now, two years in a row in Chicago visiting them in July. There are now expectations that I will return to Chicago again in July now that the precedent is set! It was also noted shortly after we arrived this year that last year at this time we had actually just left Chicago to head to St. Louis. I was also very aware on my father's birthday this year, July 19, that last year we were in St. Louis just a few days before his birthday to celebrate with him and this year he is no longer with us, having died in February.

There was another incident earlier in the month that evoked a slightly different take on this nostalgia. Early in July one Saturday morning, in fact I believe it was the Fourth, I made my morning walk to the bay and upon arrival was greeted by several folks embarking from the landing area for a day of fishing from kayaks. As I stood on the landing watching two of the kayaks paddle off toward the bay into the rising sun it seemed to me they were in the wrong place. They should have been paddling away from the Sawbill Landing heading out into a wilderness adventure in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness in northern Minnesota!

There is no memory I can recall of ever having experienced this same sort of nostalgia so strongly as I am experiencing right now around my Sabbatical experience of one year ago. Will this be prominent in my thoughts and feelings for the next three months? Will I in essence relive the Sabbatical in some form this year? And what about in the years to come? Will I have some of these same thoughts and feelings every year during July, August, September and October? Vivid memories are a common part of my life. But never do I recall this strong recollection of where I was and what I was doing at the same time one year ago as I am experiencing with the Sabbatical. Perhaps this is another indication of what a once-in-a-lifetime, life-changing, foundational experience was my adventure of last year.

(The pictures are from the time in the Boundary Waters last year. Just a chance to share more of my thousands of photos with you and to share some of my nostalgia.)

The Difficulty of Learning the Sabbath Tango

Here it is July 22, 2009, and I am making my first post for the month! Last year, even with six days in the wilderness of Northern Minnesota, I already had several posts by this time. In fact, by the 22nd of July, 2008, I was on my way back to Miami after the first three weeks of my Sabbatical feeling very refreshed, relaxed and ready for my South American adventure! This July 22 I am finishing up my one-week vacation, enjoying a final full day in Chicago, and wondering where the vacation time went to so fast?!? One-week of vacation is not nearly enough time off to accomplish what a vacation needs to do in terms of restoring the body, mind and soul. For example, I am just now getting over a cold that is trying to become bronchitis. This hit me two days ago, about half-way through the vacation. It took my body 4 days to realize it was on vacation before it could consider whether it wanted to get sick for vacation or not! It took my mind a good three days to realize it was on vacation before it began to shift into relaxation mode. It has taken my spirit about six days to realize it was on vacation to where I was ready to begin engaging in spirit-renewing activities, such as writing in my journal, or my blog, and reading a book just for fun! Of course, I return to Miami tomorrow and back to work on Friday, so body will have had about 4 days of vacation, 2-3 of them fighting illness; my mind will have had about 5 days of vacation, also 2-3 days of that clouded by my body's illness; and my spirit will have had about 2 days of vacation.

And that is how most of my time off this year is shaping up. We had this week in Chicago to celebrate my wife Dianne's birthday (and we had a wonderful time with our family in Chicago, Jim, Erika, and granddaughters, Madeleine & Shelby.) I will next take a 4.5 days early in August to drive with my daughter,Rebekah, to Pennsylvania to help her get settled in her apartment for Law School which begins later that month. Then, after returning to Miami, a week later I will fly with my son, Paul, out to Salt Lake City, Utah, to help him get settled in Westminster College for his freshman year. I will take about 8 days to make that trip, and the last two days will probably be alone time for me as it appears that the orientation schedule does not include parents on Monday or Tuesday. (That is fine with me, at least I will get a little bit of solo vacation out of the trip!) Then Dianne and I are planning to take a 10 day trip this September, probably to California. Perhaps that will be a long enough experience to bring full refreshment and renewal to my body, mind & soul?!

I am not really complaining, as much as I am bemoaning several realities. First, the fact that we expect too much out of too little far too often in our society. We expect a one or two week vacation to make up for the other 50 highly stressful, highly taxing, highly exhausting weeks we spend at work, at volunteer activities, at household chores, etc. We expect one-hour a week on Sunday mornings to renew our relationship with God and to restore our spiritual health to a balanced place to take us through the week. Our bodies, minds and spirits need regular renewal time and periodic intense, extended renewal time, for good health. It is the way we were created. Besides all the medical studies highlighting this truth, God's plan as detailed in the Bible also teaches us the same thing. God established the Sabbath at the very beginning creating the world: after six days of work, God rested. God knew when to take a break and God taught us that we need to do the same thing. Yet how infrequently do we really take a weekly Sabbath? If we are lucky enough any more to not work on Saturday or Sunday we almost always fill both days with chores and other high levels of activity. How often do we stop to ask ourselves if something we are planning to do will be renewing to our body, mind, spirit, or family relationships?

The other reality I find very sad is that there is so little acknowledgement of the importance of family and family relationships in the structure of our employment practices. I remember when the Family Leave Act was passed by Congress back in the '90's that mandated employers to allow mothers and fathers time off work for the birth or adoption of a baby. It was a major battle to get this law passed! Most employers do not allow for separate sick-leave days for caring for a family member: an employee must use their sick leave, which in most cases is pretty minimal for the year, especially when it must be divided between the employee and one or more dependents. Most employers do not allow for time off for attending to other family care situations: like attending graduations, taking children off to college, etc. To do such a parent must use vacation time. Now I realize there might always be people who would abuse some benefit, but I also realize that we as a society are extremely driven to succeed at all costs, especially when it comes to turning a profit. We have very little humane and compassionate practices in our economic, business, and social relationships. And the church gets sucked right into the same attitudes and practices. This is very sad.

But I am thankful for a caring and understanding congregation of people who, while they expect a lot out of their pastor and like for him to be available 24/7/365, still realize he is a human being who needs time away for renewal and refreshment. They are fairly flexible and as long as I am there at the critical moments, for the most part they allow me space and encourage me to find Sabbath Time so that I can be healthy, whole, and a better person and pastor. Finding such is part of the difficult dance known as Sabbath Tango. As I learned in Argentina one does not pick-up the Tango, and definitely not master it, in just a few lessons. It takes years of practice. Even so with the Sabbath Tango.

(The pictures include: A brown bear cooling himself at the Brookfield Zoo, he definitely seems to have a better handle on the Sabbath Tango than I do; Dianne & I with our children preparing to go out to celebrate her birthday with a fabulous dinner; a view of the Chicago River from the boat tour we enjoyed; a photo of me & Dianne and taking a photo of ourselves and the Chicago skyline in the Cloud Gate in Millenium Park; and a photo of Dianne, Rebekah & Paul at the sign for Millenium Park.)

Final Sabbatical Event a Celebration

Argentina has been making a big splash in the news recently, but it was not Governor Sanford's mistress or the parliamentary elections which captured our focus at Christ Congregational Church this past weekend. No, we gathered as a congregation to celebrate the marvelous gift of renewal pastor & congregation experienced this past year with an Argentinean dinner, surrounded by the sights and sounds of Argentina in our Fellowship Hall. With some photo posters decorating the walls bringing Buenos Aires, Bariloche, and Machu Picchu to life, about 40 members and friends of the church gathered to enjoy las comidas de Argentina, prepared by Tango's Restaurant & Bakery. Typical fare such as Ensalada Rusa (potato salad w/peas & carrots), Chorizos, Entrana ala Verdeo (grilled churrasco steak with a Chardonnay scallion sauce), Gnocchi Alfredo and a variety of mini desserts, was enjoyed by all with the Tango music of Carlos Gardel serenading in the background.

After dinner I shared some final reflections on the Sabbatical experience for myself as Pastor, with a montage of photos from Argentina and Peru projected in the background. Those reflections were drawn primarily from this blog, so I will just summarize them in this post. I began by reminiscing on the dreamlike quality of the adventure of twelve weeks in South America, seventeen weeks of not working, learning Spanish as an alien in distant lands. The primary blessing I would identify of the Sabbatical was the time for reflection on my life, on the world, on my work life and on my call to ministry. That has especially become clear to me eight months removed from the experience. It is so difficult to claim time in my regular schedule for simply sitting and reflecting on life and the world. For a pastor that is especially sad. Historically, reflection time has been a major element of the pastoral role and a significant part of why we are given the privilege of financial support by a community for this ministry. Without ample reflection time it becomes increasingly difficult to adequately feed the people of the community through sermons and writings.

In addition to ample time for reflection, I summarized my learning on the sabbatical in five areas:

1. The basics of the Spanish language. Difficult as it has been to maintain the level of fluency I developed in Argentina, I did learn the basic structure of the language, the basic verb tenses and conjugations, and a basic vocabulary on which I can build. I know I will continue to grow in my ability to use Spanish and I see evidence of it, albeit baby steps, every day.

2. How much I love to travel and how much it nurtures my soul. I have already reflected on this in another part of the blog, but it is clear to me that I need to continue to seek ways and means to incorporate significant travel experiences into my life. It is one of the most renewing experiences possible for me.

3. A renewed sense of what is truly important for me. First: my family. Second: Paying attention to and nurturing quality relationships with people. That includes my family, but also those to whom I minister as pastor. Third: Nurturing time for reflection about life. Fourth: Importance of developing outside interests beyond my work as pastor.

4. The importance of maintaining a flexible and creative approach to life, relationships, and spirituality. When we are rigid in our desire to seek control of life, we are less able to go with the flow. As a result, life becomes more of a burden and less enjoyable. When we can adapt with some flexibility to whatever situations arise in our lives, then we can find the good, even in the bad, and we can continue to see the beauty and blessings in life all around us.

5. The importance of trusting myself and others to accomplish what needs to be done. We completed the Sabbatical Grant Application within three months time. I planned my time away within a year. I went away and the congregation did not fall apart. In fact, it thrived. I return from the Sabbatical with a new freedom to be Pastor in this place in a new way. I am taking clear steps to take on less responsibility, to trust others to assume more responsibility, to support, encourage, and assist them in that process. The result will be, I am sure, a stronger church community more completely living out its call to be the body of Christ, the people of God in this place. It will also lead to a healthier, more renewed, and better pastor, who will find the time for reflection and be better able to inspire and guide the people of God.

On Saturday, with the assistance of the Rev. Dr. John Manrodt from the Counseling Ministry of South Florida, about 22 people returned to spend time reflecting on what the sabbatical experience was like for them as a congregation. After some creative exercises to help stimulate that thinking and sharing, we spent some time looking toward the future and what it means for us as a church and pastor that we have had this experience. Some positive plans began to grow out of those discussions and everyone seemed to leave with excitement and a forward thinking approach to the future of Christ Congregational Church.

While this weekend will probably be the final planned event related to the Sabbatical, the experience of planning for, living the adventure, and re-engaging life and ministry afterwards, will continue to have an impact and influence for years to come. It was a marvelous gift. For me from the people of Christ Congregational Church in terms of their support and their allowing me the time to pursue. For all of us from the people of the Lily Foundation who made it possible financially with their generous Clergy Renewal Grant.

The adventure continues, though not in South America, but right here in Miami and I look forward to continuing to reflect upon Sabbath and sabbatical concerns, especially the dance between Sabbath time and regular time, the Sabbath Tango.